The book of my mind

My mind is full on unread words

phrases that never leave my lips

I wish you could read my mind

find your way through my truths

the lost parts of conversations

and dreams I can't say out loud

I'd give you the key to unlock all of it

but just for a minute

so you could know me

learn the little pieces of me

that I can't seem to bring out

But I wouldn't let you see all of it

because even I can just barely understand

what the words in the book of my mind mean

[04/17]

Ruusutarha

Tein itselleni pedin ruusujen keskelle

nukahdin siihen tuoksuun

annoin sen tunkeutua ihoni alle

Se puudutti aistini

en huomannut piikkien raapivan kasvojani

ennen kuin arvet

tekivät silmien avaamisen mahdottomaksi

tuskallisen turhauttavaksi

Verta vuotavat huuleni

eivät voineet edes kuiskata

vaikka ruusut ympärilläni

saivat sanat sisälläni soimaan

[03/17]

3 a.m.

Your tangled hair lays on the pillow like a messy cloud, the same way your thoughts are knotted and scattered around your bed at 3 a.m. The heavy air is pressing you against the cold sheets and you feel like you can't move under all the numb restlessness. It's too much and too little.

Midnight has passed a long time ago. It feels like there is an eternity between you and the daylight but in reality, there's only the wall your mind created. The one you put up every night. It blocks your sleep because even though you are tired and crave for the much needed rest, you are simply too exhausted to climb over it. So you stay behind it, let it divide your thoughts from reality, your anxious mind from sleep.

There are moments when you can close your eyes and pretend that your consciousness is no longer awake. Imagine that the loneliness around you is a mere illusion. There is a movie playing inside your eyelids, giving you hope for the empty days to soon fill with life. You can almost feel someone next to you, the person you long for. The warmth of another lonely soul. Imagine that the air, the breath that brushes your skin isn't actually yours but someone else's.

As long as you keep your eyes closed, you are safe. The only thing you need are the dreams you create and even if the wall around you is keeping sleep far away from you, at least you'll have the illusion. The blue haven for your soul.

3 a.m. can be deadly if you let it too close; if the fantasy breaks and you let reality flow into your imagination, let it mix with all the sweet little lies of yours. Even if you open your eyes to see the darkness settling in, there's still hope as long as you draw that thin line between small hours and you.

The wall you keep building against your own will protects your soul, it's between your inner self and everything else. Just don't let it grow too tall or your soul will turn into a prisoner of itself. But don't let it crumble too fast either, it might just be the only thing that keeps you sane when the loneliness sinks in too deep and hits your core.

Scarred sky

Scarred sky underneath my skin

star constellations on the surface

Your touch brings out

all the sparkling galaxies within me

This stardust around us

creates a new light for the past

beautiful shadows for the future

Let's fall when we still can

[03/17]

Arpinen taivas

Arpinen taivas ihoni alla

tähtikuvioita pinnalla

Sinun kosketuksesi tuo esiin

kaikki sisälläni kuplivat galaksit

Tämä tähtisumu ympärillämme

luo uuden valon menneisyydelle

kauniita varjoja tulevaisuudelle

Pudotaan vielä kun voidaan

[03/17]

I can't please my mind

I can't please my mind

When I take a right turn

it screams in my left ear

When I stop thinking

it keeps pushing me over the edge

I have to keep on moving

even when my feet

are glued to the ground

and soul nailed to

the scene around me

I can't please my mind

even when I try to

because it doesn't know what it wants

and neither do I

We are the same

[03/17]

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

Kun käännyn oikeaan

se huutaa vasempaan korvaani

Kun lopetan ajattelemisen

se työntää minut reunan yli

Minun täytyy pysyä liikkeessä

vaikka jalkani ovat

liimattuina maahan

ja sieluni naulattuna

maisemaan ympärilläni

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

vaikka yrittäisin

koska se ei tiedä mitä se haluaa

enkä tiedä minäkään

Olemme samanlaisia

[03/17]

Älä jää

Selkäsi kaari

tuntuu kohtalolta

vasten sieluani

Sinun lämpösi

sulaa ihollani

kuin lumi

Ethän jää tänne

[03/17]

Don't stay

The arch of your back

feels like destiny

against my soul

Your warmth

melts on my skin

like snow

Please don't stay

[03/17]

Ei mitään

Tyhjät silmät, tyhjät kädet

Hiljaisuus vuotaa suonistani

Elotonta ilmaa keuhkoissani

Paljaita ajatuksia pimeydessä

Ja kaikki mitä halusin

olit sinä

[03/17]

Nothing

Empty eyes, empty hands

Silence bleeding from my veins

Lifeless air in my lungs

Bare thoughts in the darkness

And all I wanted

was you

[03/17]

Kiss the poetry from your lips

Kiss the poetry

from your lips

onto mine

Breathe out your lies

so I have something

to believe in

Let your wandering hands

create new paths

for our mistakes

Do anything just so

I don't have to fall

          apart

          in love

Just one minute

Time is not real within this numbness

the ticking of the clock

is not from my reality

It echoes from another dimension

demands to be heard

when I don't understand its language

It keeps pushing me around

showing me the way to dead ends

and abandoned conclusions

The numbers try to make me move

tell me stories of failure

scare me to think that

my world is disappearing

as the seconds pass so loudly

All I need is a minute for myself

[03/17]

Vain yksi minuutti

Aika ei ole totta tässä tunnottomuudessa

kellon tikitys

ei ole minun todellisuudestani

Se kaikuu toisesta ulottuvuudesta

vaatii tulla kuulluksi

vaikka en ymmärrä sen kieltä

Se tönii minua ympäriinsä

näyttää tien umpikujiin

ja hylättyihin päätelmiin

Numerot yrittävät saada minut liikkumaan

kertovat tarinoita epäonnistumisesta

pelottelevat minut ajattelemaan

että maailmani on katoamassa

kun sekunnit kiitävät äänekkäästi ohi

Minä tarvitsisin vain minuutin itselleni

[03/17]

We have the whole universe

Our sun and moon

circle the same story

dance side by side

They bring light to each other

create a whole world

where it's easy to sink in

escape from the thunder

and rain

Two of us in the middle of the stars

part of the universe

that gives the opportunity for everything

we dare to dream about

We just need to

grab the orbit

that leads towards

a new sunrise

a new full moon

Meillä on koko avaruus

Meidän aurinko ja kuu

kiertää samaa tarinaa

tanssii vierekkäin

Ne tuo valoa toisilleen

luo kokonaisen maailman

johon on helppo upota

karata ukkospilviltä

ja sadekuuroilta

Me kaksi tähtisateen keskellä

osa sitä avaruutta

joka antaa mahdollisuuden kaikelle

mistä uskallamme unelmoida

Meidän tarvitsee vain

tarttua kiertorataan

joka johdattaa kohti

uutta auringonnousua

uutta täysikuuta

Disfigured

This shape around me

wrapped in disgust

dishonesty

Too close to see clearly

I'm turning into

a disfigured presumption

Breaking my own rules

of beauty

[03/17]

Runneltu

Tämä hahmo ympärilläni

kietoutunut vastenmielisyyteen

epärehellisyyteen

Liian lähellä nähdäkseni selvästi

Olen muuttumassa

runnelluksi olettamukseksi

Rikon omat sääntöni

kauneudesta

[03/17]

Daydreaming can kill you

Daydreaming can kill you.

When the empty walls around you pull themselves closer to you and the faint echo of your past self lingers in the white rooms, it's easy to escape into the world you have created. Just let go of everything else for a while and sink in the depth of your inner reality.

The never ending flow of imagination can cuddle you up like the person who never walked into your life. It will embrace you in its loving arms as you dive deeper in the dream that you can just barely touch. It will comfort you, be your partner through the cold nights.

It's easy to imagine love, just the way you would need it. There are no sharp edges in daydreams, no breaking points in the heart that is not beating in the real world. Just the sweet bliss of being where you need to be, when you need to be.

You can make up all the beauty of it, create new storylines for your twisted needs. New day means a new dream and you can't get enough. Just imagine yourself the love and lust you've wanted, build a whole new future for yourself, even if it's just for a few seconds, until it all starts to crash down when the reality leaks into your bubble of fantasies.

Of course there's always hope. Hope that it will lead you to your destination. Bring out new possibilities. Give you the right direction to reach the imaginary cities you've build. Maybe you are developing your own story and by dreaming, you will have a happy ending after all.

You just have to keep the truth nearby so you don't crash too fast, fall too hard, if the clouds underneath your utopia fade away.

Daydreaming can kill you, yet it is the only thing that will keep you alive.

Your gaze is a blade

I use you gaze as a blade

the shadow of your hands on my back as a map

so I'll find the destination

I'll dig up all my weak spots

that I cut off

with the knife I made

out of your forgotten words