The love letters

I read your handwriting

fascinated of the loops

of unfinished thoughts

between the lines

The way words melt

into each other

like I hope to do

with your soul

The love letters you wrote

weren't for me to read

[07/17]

Under the weather

The sky runs in my veins

makes my thoughts cloudy

and the sweet rain of missed yesterdays

runs down my face

as the stormy night settles in

Lightnings hit the core of my heart

and I'm too tired to run from them

so I let them light up my nightmares

and pretend that it is just a sunset

suddenly making everything white again

[08/17]

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Katson sinua etäältä

pysyttelen paikoillani

tuijotan ilmaa joka

haluaa vetää minut mukaansa

Myrskyä

joka riepottelee uskoani

Vedät minua puoleesi

sillä sinussa on kaikki

mikä minusta puuttuu

Sinä olet pelottava voima

jonka silmässä kaikki rauhoittuu

Kontrastien luoma taideteos

joka ajaa ymmärtämättömät kauas

mutta minä haluan nähdä sen

kaiken kauneuden

Sinä olet vastakohta

minun tyynelle teeskentelylleni

joka piilottaa taakseen

mielipuolen lailla riehuvat ajatukset

Hitaasti tuhoan itseni

katsellessani sinun jälkeesi jättämää kaaosta

enkä silti uskalla

tulla lähelle

Entä jos törmäämme?

Entä jos täydennämme toisemme?

Olemme?

Katoamme?

[09/17]

Dissociation

Warm waves of silky clouds

lift me up and bury me

under the nonexistent sky

full of dull stars

I'm drifting through the night

like I have no place to go to

while I sit here

dreaming wide awake

My clothes scratch my skin

yet I feel nothing

Numbness crawls up my spine

makes its nest behind me eyes

The sound of rain

from the storm inside me

won't distract my mind enough

to get back inside

Please don't let me float away

not like this

[09/17]

Whole

To say

”you broke me”

would give

too much credit

of something so

comprehensive

to a person who

wasn't able to

see me as a whole

to begin with

[07/17]

Home is where your heart isn't

My mind is so far away

from this place

but I'm still here

Locked inside of this house

I used to call home sweet home

[04/17]

Lost

The bruises on my skin

map out my lost ways

show all my errors, wrong turns

They are the traffic lights that

flashed false colours for me

They are turning from

red to yellow

and I'm not ready to move

Instead of waiting for

them to show their green light

I beat them black and blue again

[05/17]

Kuiva

Minussa ei ole enää sanoja

Olen valuttanut ne kaikki ulos

kuiva paperi nieli viimeisetkin pisarat

inspiraatiostani ja omistautuneisuudestani

Vain tyhjiä rivejä muistikirjassani

ja hiljainen mieli

Sekoitan mustetta juomiini

siinä toivossa että se virtaisi taas veressäni

[03/17]

Dry

There are no words in me anymore

I've drained them all out

the dry paper soaked every last bit

of my inspiration and devotion

Just empty lines in a notebook

and a silent mind

I mix ink in my drinks

in the hopes of it running in my veins again

[03/17]

Ugly

From the mirror stares back

a melted face

eyes leaking acid

mouth stuck in a grin

Freak circus ticket

burns in the back pocket

Chained to a frame

staring at my own reflection

I crawl away from my own life

Is originality

playing any part in this game

if people around me

vomit melancholy

[10/16]

Heart - Mind

Listening to your heart

is the hardest thing

when your mind keeps shouting truths

Listening to your mind

is complicated

when your heart keeps loving

the things you should run away from

the things you should ignore

the things you should forget

the things that aren't even real

I hate how my heart feeds me these fantasies of love

Those scenarios

that make me hopeful

but will never happen because

I'm too afraid to see

I'm too afraid to look at the sun

because I know it will blind me

It should be the source of warmth

and light

but to me it's a scary black hole

that is waiting for me to finally fall for it

To finally burn to pieces

in the name of sanity

or insanity

or maybe both

Sometimes my heart thinks that

being blinded by the burning force

is the same thing as being in love

That all I need is to let myself go

fall in the black hole and

I'll be free

or at least caged in a neverending happiness

But my mind fights against it

It tries to close all the windows

so the light doesn't get in

so I don't lose my sight and sanity

But my heart so often

keeps the door open

[09/16]

The Symphony

I need someone to translate my thoughts

because I don't speak the language

my heart uses

the words my brain sings in

It all sounds like a messy orchestra

with their old instruments

that clash to each other

more out of tune after every note

The nonsense lyrics

don't resonate with me

I can't catch them from the

agonising air

that lingers around me

waits for me to understand it all

[03/17]

I am the night sky

I am not the type of girl

that people write poetry about

not the one that makes people

think of sunrises and summer rain

For I am the night sky, silent

with stars falling like

people fall for each other

[08/17]

She's a black hole

I look at her

She's a black hole

so open, raw

emotions sucking me in

while I fight for my life

for her life

trying to save us both

from this collapsing universe

[07/17]

Crashing tides

She was hoping

silently begging

for him to see

all of the overflowing rivers

she held inside of her

The drops of emotions

not even the ocean

could understand

without drowning

She wanted him

to see

the sea

the crashing tides

behind her eyes

She was always worried

the great waves

would kill him

leave him speechless

But he whispered

”I see you”

[07/17]

Hidden fantasy

I yearn for a place I've never known

I miss eyes I've never seen

All my life there has been

an inexplicable longing

for the nonexistent truth

[04/17]

Shades of self discovery

I am a messy palette

colours mixed in together

painting the outside of the

straight lines

creating grey rainbows

on bruised knees

pale skin faking freckles

just so it doesn't have to be empty

My heart dances with the moon

shining above my imagination

makes up love songs

out of sheer curiosity

while my hands

shaking hands

draw out the insecurity in my spine

shatter bones just to

find colour in them

I am the painting

so many artists in me tried to create

Never finished

Half way done

Half ready to give up

and dive in the bucket

of black paint and misunderstandings

drown out the mistakes

on my skin

under the dark layer of the facade

I'm bleeding colours

I could never imagine described me

but I am all of them

All of the shades of self discovery

I am the lost paint brush

losing all of its (h)air

while breathing under the surface

the blurry water

cleaning the layers of

unused smiles

just to take on another round

My laughing colours

bleed into each other

and the never finished canvas

wrapped around me

lets me breathe for a moment

just to let me know

how it feels like to be

a human

[07/17]

It is up to you

I will be invisible

for as long as you

look straight through me

I will be whole

for as long as you

don't question it

I will be okay

for as long as you

you don't see me

[07/17]

Saavuttamaton vastaus

Kirjoitan tajunnanvirtaa

ja yritän etsiä punaista lankaa

joka yhdistää minut

tähän maailmaan

Se kiemurtelee läpi

mitättömien keskusteluiden

ja turhien suhteiden

ohi kaikkien niiden minuuttien

jotka kulutin miettien

olenko oikeasti olemassa

Päädyn aina samaan lopputulokseen

saavuttamattomaan vastaukseen

[04/17]

Glass

I'm drunk on this numbness

battling against the

timeless minutes

that pass without touching me

I'm clear

see-through

All the cacophony

can't reach me

from this glass castle

I don't know if

I blocked all the feelings

I'm suppose to feel

left them out

as the hours ran away

or if the disappearing days

buried me in this

callous embrace of

grey nights

[04/17]