What ifs

What if I'm not what you see?

What if I'm too irrational

silly, depressed

much and little?

What if I can't be enough?

And you fall

and break yourself

in the pieces

I've left behind

What if I am always the reason

you are unhappy

missing something

Because you thought you

found it all in us

but I can't play my part

Kestäthän?

Tahdon olla oikea

sopiva

tarpeeksi

juuri se

mistä näet unta

Haluan olla olemassa

antaa

auttaa

ja uskoa meihin

Ollakseni oikeassa

minun on kai vain

antauduttava

ja luottaa siihen

että sinä kestät

Numb

I'm numb

falling through meaningless days

trying

pretending to feel

I tell I know what love feels like

I smile when I'm supposed to

I fake sadness when the rain catches us

Inside all this play

I put on every day

I stare at the sky

blankly

waiting for the moon

Panic room

I am my own panic room

locked inside

these four walls

safe and sound

or stuck in memories

Perfectly horrible mix

of both

Motionless

I long to be the rain

that falls through grey skies

I reflect myself

in the clouds

read star signs

like it is the truth

of my existence

But I fall

nonetheless

I fall

and it is the only thing

that keeps me in motion

Vaihtokauppa

Sinä poimit muruseni

ripottelit ne takaisin

oikeille paikoilleen

Annoit ja otit

vaihtokauppaa parhaimmillaan

Minusta, yhdestä ja niin monesta

kokosit taas ihmisen

joka hengittää

Hymyilen, sillä tiedät

kuinka tehdä kauppaa

Snowy days

The air sits still

and the sun sets

snow falling

like I fall for you

The light of our hearts

will fight this

dark December

bleak days

for we will continue

on our way

even when the slowly dancing snow

tries to surround us

There is beauty

in these frosty days

and warm fingers

intertwining

My body is a gun

My body is a gun

I pull the trigger

every time I remember us

I shoot to kill

the beauty of the memories

we created that night

This time I will fall

all on my own

to the ground

Shooting star

I see a shooting star in you

the falling sparks

leaking from your eyes

when the stormy clouds

cover your mind

Se tapahtuu vääjäämättä

Makaan sun vieressä sängyllä

meillä on alla moottoritie

kaksisataa lasissa

Katson kuinka sä hengität

syvään ja hartaasti

ja ihmettelen, eikö tämä vauhti

saa sunkin silmiä vuotamaan

Pelkään ettei nämä tyynyt jotka on

täytetty hengitetyllä ilmalla

pehmennä meidän törmäystä

Tuhopolttajan taivas

Loin itselleni helvetin

jotta sydämeni ei jäätyisi

Poltin itseni vain

jotta voisin kuvitella olevani Feeniks

Tuhopolttajan taivas

tuhkat jalkojeni alla

polttavat edelleen

vaikka maa on jo jäätynyt

ja minä sen mukana

[03/17]

The notebook of whispered thoughts

Why is my heart pounding

when I write?

I grab the pen

to pour out my feelings

let loose the rhythm

that beats against my chest

Yet as I look down

on the notebook in front of me

my heart starts to dance in panic

Or in relief?

Every time a day

a week

a month

goes by without opening

the notebook of words

I am sure I have lost myself

I have come to the end of the road

that served me so well for years

I am dry

no ink spilling on the pages anymore

But then my heart starts to beat again

aches so much

that the only things that make it better

are the pen I have lost and

the notebook of whispered thoughts

[03/18]

Pillow talk

It's all just pillow talk

soft words crumbling

behind our closed lips

Mine against your neck

while you fall asleep

and dream of someone else

[03/18]

Lose

I can't stand silence

it brings out my inner dialogue

misfortunate lies

I don't know how to stand still

when my trembling legs

want to run towards the noise

Inside my head, inside my heart

the ongoing battle fades

as I scratch another lottery ticket

Winning is not important

I just want to lose

all sense of myself

All while the silence

tries to suffocate me

[03/18]

Meidän karttamme

Kirjoitan tarinamme ihollesi

seuraan sormellani väristyksiä

jotka kulkevat pintasi alla

kartoitan jokaisen huokauksen

En tahdo irroittaa otettani

vaikka tunnen sinun hiljalleen haihtuvan

[02/18]

Web of ignorance

I'm in love

with a daydream

intertwined in the lace

I want to believe

to be beautiful fabric

Ignoring the spider

that is crawling towards me

[03/18]

Muista

Harmaita hiuksia

putoilee tyynyn viereen

haalistuneiden muistojen

nostaessa hänet jälleen ylös

Mennyt elämä työntyy

ärsyttävän lähelle

ei jätä tilaa hengittämiselle

Samalla kun se tekee

siihen tarttumisen mahdottomaksi

[12/17]

Remember

Grey hair falling

next to the pillow

as faded memories

pick her up again

The past life pushing

annoyingly close

leaving no room to breathe

All while it's impossible

to grasp it all

[12/17]

Unfolding

I am sitting in a corner

watching myself unfold

I can't feel myself

yet I am bleeding

The black blood

tries to remind me

of life

how it feels to

be something

As my thoughts turn red

and my eyelids give up

I untie the last knots

that keep me together

[12/17]

Pieces

I want to fall to pieces

crumble under your touch

while your fingertips

glue my soul

back together

[01/18]

In between

I'm in between

In between of life and death

existing silently

In between the road and the forest

drowning in the trench

In between the sun and the moon

floating away in the heavy air

In between is my home

where I belong

For I am the good and the bad

perfect blend of invisibility

Easily lost and easily forgotten

          (by others, by myself)

I forgot myself

in between these lines

[12/17]

Hallucination

I am all that I am not

My imagination pulls together

fantasy worlds and fake identities

I keep losing myself in them

thinking I'm real when I am not

Introducing myself as something more

than a mere hallucination

[12/17]

Tumma kuutamo

Olen istunut läpi unettomat yöt

joina pimeys valuu selkärankaan

eikä tähtitaivaalla ole valoa

Niinä öinä haluan sulkea silmät

ja unohtaa olemassaoloni

koska ajatuskin tummasta kuutamosta

saa minut pelkäämään itseäni

[12/17]

Eksynytkö?

Kylmä katu, pimeät valot

lumi hautaa alleen kaiken

mikä oli joskus elossa

Tuuli suutelee kaulaani

aivan kuin olisin sille jotain velkaa

tahdon kietoutua lämpöön

joka hehkuu minua ympäröivästä jäästä

[12/17]

Make believe

I am a wannabe person

make believe is my greatest talent

under these heavy assumptions

I lay on myself

There is no behind the scenes

no exit from the stage

I am all out

without showing my true self

[11/17]

Selfless

You want to make people smile

tell them everything is gonna be ok

but who is it that will

draw a smile on your lips

when you need it the most?

[12/17]

White noise

I am invisible

trying to find my way

while people walk through me

Disconnected yet still here

just white noise

A ghost running in the empty air

as everyone around me shouts

covers everything in noise

[11/17]

Floating

Your bed is a boat

You sail

in the middle of a dark ocean

waves trying to reach you

The starry sky

behind the layer of grey clouds

won't shine bright enough

to share its light with you

In that moment

when your mind is creating

the upcoming storm

all you can do

is to brave yourself

[11/17]

Miracle

I need no miracles

I need no magic words

All I need is to love

and to be loved

But maybe that would be the miracle

[12/17]

Paper cuts

My bed is deep as I lay down

and try to ignore the noisy days

concentrate on the blissful silence

I fall deeper, harder

with every breath I take

but closed eyes won't block

the hurry and life

The life I'm suppose to

enjoy

love

I'm only surviving

living through relationships

nonsense conversations

while inside all this carefully built facade

I'm screaming loud enough

to lose my voice

The paper people

inside these paper walls

won't hear it

won't rip their way through

to my reality

All I get are paper cuts

that remind me what pain

is suppose to feel like

[11/17]

Dizzy

Your lip between my teeth

your hot breath on the back of my throat

make me feel dizzy for the wrong reasons

As my fingertips dance down your spine

and your restless skin shivers

through the hot waves

our fantasy finally breaks

[11/17]

A distant memory

When sleep is

but a distant memory

an illusion

the theater imagination can start

The endless monologues

of ”what ifs”

and conversations that will

never survive through

the sleepless night

You think through

all the people you hate

and love

What you will never say to them

unless they break your cycle

and come lay next to you

on the half empty bed

where your dreams have abandoned you

[10/17]

Toxic

I want to paint you

with the colours

of a smoky sunset

as I inhale the poison

from your beauty

[10/17]

A riddle

I am a riddle to be solved

a solution to a problematic being

While figuring myself out

I have created more knots

Never ending questions of how to be

[09/17]

I write to be naked

I write to be naked

to find my skin

to find myself

I trace the words around me

make a map

so I can show my true self

to my own heart

When I write

I am me

I can lie and hide

but between the lines

is what I am looking for

When I've tried

to read words out loud

expose my thoughts

it has felt like strip tease

Word by word

piece by piece

I take off my clothes

to reveal my bare self

The only way to love

my unperfect body

is to cover it with letters

phrases that show the side of me

which can only be read

In my handwriting

you can see my emotions

In the shaking voice

reading lines from a messy notebook

you can hear my fears

[10/17]

Kuiskataan

Upotaan hetkeksi siihen uskoon

että maailma voi pysähtyä

jos vain toivomme

             haluamme

             huudamme

tarpeeksi kovaa

[08/17]

Collection of thoughts pt 1

[ These are glimpses from my notebook, lines that never turned into poems. Messy thoughts from 2017. ]


♥♥♥


I am more than the words I write

and less than the empty lines

in this notebook

I try to fill with life

♥♥♥

The ink is my blood

I spill it instead of

dancing with the razorblade

which loves my weaknesses

♥♥♥

We are suppose to

see the same stars

but I don't know if

we are in the same universe

♥♥♥

Don't take the road

that leads straight

to my heart

It'll break us both

♥♥♥

I can feel poetry

on your lips

Your bloodstream moves lines

rushes poems all around your body

♥♥♥

There is a monster under my bed

and it whispers your name

♥♥♥

The word ”darling”

tastes like you


♥♥♥

Replicas

Even if I care

it doesn't mean

I'm happy

Doesn't mean

I won't get stuck

with the replicas

of my imagination

[08/17]

Paradox

I feel like a paradox

I create to fight the anxiety

to clear the sky from the dark clouds

But when I feel good

and the sun is shining above me

my world crumbles

because I can't create beauty

out of the disguised thoughts

[08/17]

A bruised sky

A bruised sky

above my fears

lingering with the weight

of the upcoming rain

that falls on me

like my fear of you

your smile

your emotions

not reflecting mine

[08/17]

Unspoken thoughts

Unspoken thoughts

fragile minds

trying to bring to life

their deepest emotions

Meaningless words flying around

circling the actual cause

figuring out a way

to tell the truth without getting hurt

[08/17]

Painless

Stick roses through my heart

kiss my silent lips

while I try to remember

how we got here

[08/17]

Otava

Sanattomat ajatukset

virtaavat suonissani

pilvien lailla

ne peittävät tähtitaivaan

sumentavat järkeni

Minä vain tahdoin

nähdä Otavan

[09/17]

I long for your nature

I want to make art

out of the dying flowers

behind your ear

out of the leaves under your feet

that cover the ground in autumn

I long for your nature

[08/17]

Flower crown

I wore a flower crown

for you

as a disguise to

cover our withering future

I wanted to

paint our life

with the colours

of the poisonous leaves

surrounding my thoughts

Thorns making my ears bleed

scratching on my skin

Yet I seemed to be

the only one

to hear the autumn coming

[07/17]

Kelo

En tunne enää

liikettä sisälläni

virtaavaa verta

kuoreni alla

joka ennen sai

vartaloni, olemukseni

näyttämään elävältä

Olen vain ontto runko

pystyyn kuollut puu

jonka oksilta linnut putoavat

tunnottomuuteen uupuneina

[08/17]

A minimalistic mind

The storm outside my window

crashes presumptions against the glass

that is about to shatter

under all the pressure

I wish to be as free

as the weather

Scraping leaves from the trees

scattering them around

painting a new image with them

on empty houses' windows

The weather is the true artist

because it drowns our restless thoughts

with lightnings and

roars of the damned gods

We are so small

arguing with nature

Concentrating on the noise inside us

when the thunder tries to free us

distract us

from all we could live without

The weather

the nature

is simple

a minimalistic mind

[07/17]

Poetry

Poetry is just

quiet

barely audible thoughts

lingering

in the presence of

the broken minds

[08/17]

Rainy days

I have so many rainy days inside me

waiting to be let free

on grey Monday mornings

while you drink your black coffee

with sleep still in your eyes

[08/17]

Uneton

Lakanat painavat kuvionsa iholleni

niiden halaus tuntuu surulliselta

Polut liittyvät toisiinsa

Hetken kestäviä arpia

Muistoja yksinäisestä yöstä

jona lakanoiden lämpö

on enemmän kuin tarpeeksi

[06/17]

The love letters

I read your handwriting

fascinated of the loops

of unfinished thoughts

between the lines

The way words melt

into each other

like I hope to do

with your soul

The love letters you wrote

weren't for me to read

[07/17]

Under the weather

The sky runs in my veins

makes my thoughts cloudy

and the sweet rain of missed yesterdays

runs down my face

as the stormy night settles in

Lightnings hit the core of my heart

and I'm too tired to run from them

so I let them light up my nightmares

and pretend that it is just a sunset

suddenly making everything white again

[08/17]

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Katson sinua etäältä

pysyttelen paikoillani

tuijotan ilmaa joka

haluaa vetää minut mukaansa

Myrskyä

joka riepottelee uskoani

Vedät minua puoleesi

sillä sinussa on kaikki

mikä minusta puuttuu

Sinä olet pelottava voima

jonka silmässä kaikki rauhoittuu

Kontrastien luoma taideteos

joka ajaa ymmärtämättömät kauas

mutta minä haluan nähdä sen

kaiken kauneuden

Sinä olet vastakohta

minun tyynelle teeskentelylleni

joka piilottaa taakseen

mielipuolen lailla riehuvat ajatukset

Hitaasti tuhoan itseni

katsellessani sinun jälkeesi jättämää kaaosta

enkä silti uskalla

tulla lähelle

Entä jos törmäämme?

Entä jos täydennämme toisemme?

Olemme?

Katoamme?

[09/17]

Dissociation

Warm waves of silky clouds

lift me up and bury me

under the nonexistent sky

full of dull stars

I'm drifting through the night

like I have no place to go to

while I sit here

dreaming wide awake

My clothes scratch my skin

yet I feel nothing

Numbness crawls up my spine

makes its nest behind me eyes

The sound of rain

from the storm inside me

won't distract my mind enough

to get back inside

Please don't let me float away

not like this

[09/17]

Whole

To say

”you broke me”

would give

too much credit

of something so

comprehensive

to a person who

wasn't able to

see me as a whole

to begin with

[07/17]

Home is where your heart isn't

My mind is so far away

from this place

but I'm still here

Locked inside of this house

I used to call home sweet home

[04/17]

Lost

The bruises on my skin

map out my lost ways

show all my errors, wrong turns

They are the traffic lights that

flashed false colours for me

They are turning from

red to yellow

and I'm not ready to move

Instead of waiting for

them to show their green light

I beat them black and blue again

[05/17]

Kuiva

Minussa ei ole enää sanoja

Olen valuttanut ne kaikki ulos

kuiva paperi nieli viimeisetkin pisarat

inspiraatiostani ja omistautuneisuudestani

Vain tyhjiä rivejä muistikirjassani

ja hiljainen mieli

Sekoitan mustetta juomiini

siinä toivossa että se virtaisi taas veressäni

[03/17]

Dry

There are no words in me anymore

I've drained them all out

the dry paper soaked every last bit

of my inspiration and devotion

Just empty lines in a notebook

and a silent mind

I mix ink in my drinks

in the hopes of it running in my veins again

[03/17]

Ugly

From the mirror stares back

a melted face

eyes leaking acid

mouth stuck in a grin

Freak circus ticket

burns in the back pocket

Chained to a frame

staring at my own reflection

I crawl away from my own life

Is originality

playing any part in this game

if people around me

vomit melancholy

[10/16]

Heart - Mind

Listening to your heart

is the hardest thing

when your mind keeps shouting truths

Listening to your mind

is complicated

when your heart keeps loving

the things you should run away from

the things you should ignore

the things you should forget

the things that aren't even real

I hate how my heart feeds me these fantasies of love

Those scenarios

that make me hopeful

but will never happen because

I'm too afraid to see

I'm too afraid to look at the sun

because I know it will blind me

It should be the source of warmth

and light

but to me it's a scary black hole

that is waiting for me to finally fall for it

To finally burn to pieces

in the name of sanity

or insanity

or maybe both

Sometimes my heart thinks that

being blinded by the burning force

is the same thing as being in love

That all I need is to let myself go

fall in the black hole and

I'll be free

or at least caged in a neverending happiness

But my mind fights against it

It tries to close all the windows

so the light doesn't get in

so I don't lose my sight and sanity

But my heart so often

keeps the door open

[09/16]

The Symphony

I need someone to translate my thoughts

because I don't speak the language

my heart uses

the words my brain sings in

It all sounds like a messy orchestra

with their old instruments

that clash to each other

more out of tune after every note

The nonsense lyrics

don't resonate with me

I can't catch them from the

agonising air

that lingers around me

waits for me to understand it all

[03/17]

I am the night sky

I am not the type of girl

that people write poetry about

not the one that makes people

think of sunrises and summer rain

For I am the night sky, silent

with stars falling like

people fall for each other

[08/17]

She's a black hole

I look at her

She's a black hole

so open, raw

emotions sucking me in

while I fight for my life

for her life

trying to save us both

from this collapsing universe

[07/17]

Crashing tides

She was hoping

silently begging

for him to see

all of the overflowing rivers

she held inside of her

The drops of emotions

not even the ocean

could understand

without drowning

She wanted him

to see

the sea

the crashing tides

behind her eyes

She was always worried

the great waves

would kill him

leave him speechless

But he whispered

”I see you”

[07/17]

Hidden fantasy

I yearn for a place I've never known

I miss eyes I've never seen

All my life there has been

an inexplicable longing

for the nonexistent truth

[04/17]

Shades of self discovery

I am a messy palette

colours mixed in together

painting the outside of the

straight lines

creating grey rainbows

on bruised knees

pale skin faking freckles

just so it doesn't have to be empty

My heart dances with the moon

shining above my imagination

makes up love songs

out of sheer curiosity

while my hands

shaking hands

draw out the insecurity in my spine

shatter bones just to

find colour in them

I am the painting

so many artists in me tried to create

Never finished

Half way done

Half ready to give up

and dive in the bucket

of black paint and misunderstandings

drown out the mistakes

on my skin

under the dark layer of the facade

I'm bleeding colours

I could never imagine described me

but I am all of them

All of the shades of self discovery

I am the lost paint brush

losing all of its (h)air

while breathing under the surface

the blurry water

cleaning the layers of

unused smiles

just to take on another round

My laughing colours

bleed into each other

and the never finished canvas

wrapped around me

lets me breathe for a moment

just to let me know

how it feels like to be

a human

[07/17]

It is up to you

I will be invisible

for as long as you

look straight through me

I will be whole

for as long as you

don't question it

I will be okay

for as long as you

you don't see me

[07/17]

Saavuttamaton vastaus

Kirjoitan tajunnanvirtaa

ja yritän etsiä punaista lankaa

joka yhdistää minut

tähän maailmaan

Se kiemurtelee läpi

mitättömien keskusteluiden

ja turhien suhteiden

ohi kaikkien niiden minuuttien

jotka kulutin miettien

olenko oikeasti olemassa

Päädyn aina samaan lopputulokseen

saavuttamattomaan vastaukseen

[04/17]

Glass

I'm drunk on this numbness

battling against the

timeless minutes

that pass without touching me

I'm clear

see-through

All the cacophony

can't reach me

from this glass castle

I don't know if

I blocked all the feelings

I'm suppose to feel

left them out

as the hours ran away

or if the disappearing days

buried me in this

callous embrace of

grey nights

[04/17]

Lasi

Olen humaltunut tästä tunnottomuudesta

taistelen vastaan

ajattomia minuutteja

jotka kuluvat koskettamatta minua

Olen paljas

läpinäkyvä

Kaikki se kakofonia

ei voi saavuttaa minua

tämän lasilinnan sisältä

En tiedä

salpasinko kaikki ne tunteet

jotka minun kuuluisia tuntea

jätin ne ulos

kun tunnit juoksivat karkuun

vai hautasivatko

katoavat päivät minut

tähän tunteettomaan

harmaiden öiden syleilyyn

[04/17]

The view from within

The view from my balcony

paints pictures in my mind

Full of colors of the sunrise

and the sound of foggy mornings

when birds are too lost to sing

The cars drive by like

there is a better tomorrow waiting

just around the block

I don't believe in happy endings

kisses at sunsets

and bright nights

People can look for the romantic ending

from the neighborhood

but my mind wanders around the city

like a lost raven dressed as a swan

I don't need the wind to take me higher

not another turn on the street

to find a way through this

messy home I've built

The foggy mornings soothe me

so I can imagine a cloudless sky

when the run rises again

and loans its colours to me

so I can fill my restless mind

with the beauty I created

[04/17]

Vuorovesi

Kätesi hartioillani

saavat polveni heikoiksi

kauhusta vai ilosta?

Nämä aallot sisälläni

puhdistavat ja repivät auki

jokaisen ajatukseni, toiveeni

En tiedä kuuluuko minun

takertua sinuun

vai päästää irti

[04/17]

Lukittu

En saa kiinni omista ajatuksistani

ne juoksevat läpi seinien

hyppivät yli aitojen

jotka olen pystyttänyt

pitääkseni muiden katseet

kaukana minusta

En uskalla purkaa muuria

jotta voisin kerätä järkeni takaisin

lukita sen näiden seinien sisään

Saadakseni itseni kokoon

täytyisi minun lyödä itseni läpi

karata tästä vankilasta

joka oli aluksi kyhätty kasaan

oksista ja sammalesta

mutta ajan kuluessa se muuttui

kiveksi ja teräkseksi

Hiljaisuuden keskellä

on helppoa tulla hulluksi

kuvitella ympärille musiikkia ja sanoja

joita kukaan ei ole vielä keksinyt

Kirjoittaa lauseita toisensa jälkeen

ja toivoa että ne auttavat

eristyksen keskellä

tuovat seuraa

edes yksinäisten kirjainten muodossa

Ne eivät silti luo uusia ajatuksia

tuo takaisin karanneita mielikuvituksen rippeitä

[03/17]

The book of my mind

My mind is full on unread words

phrases that never leave my lips

I wish you could read my mind

find your way through my truths

the lost parts of conversations

and dreams I can't say out loud

I'd give you the key to unlock all of it

but just for a minute

so you could know me

learn the little pieces of me

that I can't seem to bring out

But I wouldn't let you see all of it

because even I can just barely understand

what the words in the book of my mind mean

[04/17]

Ruusutarha

Tein itselleni pedin ruusujen keskelle

nukahdin siihen tuoksuun

annoin sen tunkeutua ihoni alle

Se puudutti aistini

en huomannut piikkien raapivan kasvojani

ennen kuin arvet

tekivät silmien avaamisen mahdottomaksi

tuskallisen turhauttavaksi

Verta vuotavat huuleni

eivät voineet edes kuiskata

vaikka ruusut ympärilläni

saivat sanat sisälläni soimaan

[03/17]

3 a.m.

Your tangled hair lays on the pillow like a messy cloud, the same way your thoughts are knotted and scattered around your bed at 3 a.m. The heavy air is pressing you against the cold sheets and you feel like you can't move under all the numb restlessness. It's too much and too little.

Midnight has passed a long time ago. It feels like there is an eternity between you and the daylight but in reality, there's only the wall your mind created. The one you put up every night. It blocks your sleep because even though you are tired and crave for the much needed rest, you are simply too exhausted to climb over it. So you stay behind it, let it divide your thoughts from reality, your anxious mind from sleep.

There are moments when you can close your eyes and pretend that your consciousness is no longer awake. Imagine that the loneliness around you is a mere illusion. There is a movie playing inside your eyelids, giving you hope for the empty days to soon fill with life. You can almost feel someone next to you, the person you long for. The warmth of another lonely soul. Imagine that the air, the breath that brushes your skin isn't actually yours but someone else's.

As long as you keep your eyes closed, you are safe. The only thing you need are the dreams you create and even if the wall around you is keeping sleep far away from you, at least you'll have the illusion. The blue haven for your soul.

3 a.m. can be deadly if you let it too close; if the fantasy breaks and you let reality flow into your imagination, let it mix with all the sweet little lies of yours. Even if you open your eyes to see the darkness settling in, there's still hope as long as you draw that thin line between small hours and you.

The wall you keep building against your own will protects your soul, it's between your inner self and everything else. Just don't let it grow too tall or your soul will turn into a prisoner of itself. But don't let it crumble too fast either, it might just be the only thing that keeps you sane when the loneliness sinks in too deep and hits your core.

Scarred sky

Scarred sky underneath my skin

star constellations on the surface

Your touch brings out

all the sparkling galaxies within me

This stardust around us

creates a new light for the past

beautiful shadows for the future

Let's fall when we still can

[03/17]

Arpinen taivas

Arpinen taivas ihoni alla

tähtikuvioita pinnalla

Sinun kosketuksesi tuo esiin

kaikki sisälläni kuplivat galaksit

Tämä tähtisumu ympärillämme

luo uuden valon menneisyydelle

kauniita varjoja tulevaisuudelle

Pudotaan vielä kun voidaan

[03/17]

I can't please my mind

I can't please my mind

When I take a right turn

it screams in my left ear

When I stop thinking

it keeps pushing me over the edge

I have to keep on moving

even when my feet

are glued to the ground

and soul nailed to

the scene around me

I can't please my mind

even when I try to

because it doesn't know what it wants

and neither do I

We are the same

[03/17]

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

Kun käännyn oikeaan

se huutaa vasempaan korvaani

Kun lopetan ajattelemisen

se työntää minut reunan yli

Minun täytyy pysyä liikkeessä

vaikka jalkani ovat

liimattuina maahan

ja sieluni naulattuna

maisemaan ympärilläni

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

vaikka yrittäisin

koska se ei tiedä mitä se haluaa

enkä tiedä minäkään

Olemme samanlaisia

[03/17]

Älä jää

Selkäsi kaari

tuntuu kohtalolta

vasten sieluani

Sinun lämpösi

sulaa ihollani

kuin lumi

Ethän jää tänne

[03/17]

Don't stay

The arch of your back

feels like destiny

against my soul

Your warmth

melts on my skin

like snow

Please don't stay

[03/17]

Ei mitään

Tyhjät silmät, tyhjät kädet

Hiljaisuus vuotaa suonistani

Elotonta ilmaa keuhkoissani

Paljaita ajatuksia pimeydessä

Ja kaikki mitä halusin

olit sinä

[03/17]

Nothing

Empty eyes, empty hands

Silence bleeding from my veins

Lifeless air in my lungs

Bare thoughts in the darkness

And all I wanted

was you

[03/17]

Kiss the poetry from your lips

Kiss the poetry

from your lips

onto mine

Breathe out your lies

so I have something

to believe in

Let your wandering hands

create new paths

for our mistakes

Do anything just so

I don't have to fall

          apart

          in love

Just one minute

Time is not real within this numbness

the ticking of the clock

is not from my reality

It echoes from another dimension

demands to be heard

when I don't understand its language

It keeps pushing me around

showing me the way to dead ends

and abandoned conclusions

The numbers try to make me move

tell me stories of failure

scare me to think that

my world is disappearing

as the seconds pass so loudly

All I need is a minute for myself

[03/17]

Vain yksi minuutti

Aika ei ole totta tässä tunnottomuudessa

kellon tikitys

ei ole minun todellisuudestani

Se kaikuu toisesta ulottuvuudesta

vaatii tulla kuulluksi

vaikka en ymmärrä sen kieltä

Se tönii minua ympäriinsä

näyttää tien umpikujiin

ja hylättyihin päätelmiin

Numerot yrittävät saada minut liikkumaan

kertovat tarinoita epäonnistumisesta

pelottelevat minut ajattelemaan

että maailmani on katoamassa

kun sekunnit kiitävät äänekkäästi ohi

Minä tarvitsisin vain minuutin itselleni

[03/17]

We have the whole universe

Our sun and moon

circle the same story

dance side by side

They bring light to each other

create a whole world

where it's easy to sink in

escape from the thunder

and rain

Two of us in the middle of the stars

part of the universe

that gives the opportunity for everything

we dare to dream about

We just need to

grab the orbit

that leads towards

a new sunrise

a new full moon

Meillä on koko avaruus

Meidän aurinko ja kuu

kiertää samaa tarinaa

tanssii vierekkäin

Ne tuo valoa toisilleen

luo kokonaisen maailman

johon on helppo upota

karata ukkospilviltä

ja sadekuuroilta

Me kaksi tähtisateen keskellä

osa sitä avaruutta

joka antaa mahdollisuuden kaikelle

mistä uskallamme unelmoida

Meidän tarvitsee vain

tarttua kiertorataan

joka johdattaa kohti

uutta auringonnousua

uutta täysikuuta

Disfigured

This shape around me

wrapped in disgust

dishonesty

Too close to see clearly

I'm turning into

a disfigured presumption

Breaking my own rules

of beauty

[03/17]

Runneltu

Tämä hahmo ympärilläni

kietoutunut vastenmielisyyteen

epärehellisyyteen

Liian lähellä nähdäkseni selvästi

Olen muuttumassa

runnelluksi olettamukseksi

Rikon omat sääntöni

kauneudesta

[03/17]

Daydreaming can kill you

Daydreaming can kill you.

When the empty walls around you pull themselves closer to you and the faint echo of your past self lingers in the white rooms, it's easy to escape into the world you have created. Just let go of everything else for a while and sink in the depth of your inner reality.

The never ending flow of imagination can cuddle you up like the person who never walked into your life. It will embrace you in its loving arms as you dive deeper in the dream that you can just barely touch. It will comfort you, be your partner through the cold nights.

It's easy to imagine love, just the way you would need it. There are no sharp edges in daydreams, no breaking points in the heart that is not beating in the real world. Just the sweet bliss of being where you need to be, when you need to be.

You can make up all the beauty of it, create new storylines for your twisted needs. New day means a new dream and you can't get enough. Just imagine yourself the love and lust you've wanted, build a whole new future for yourself, even if it's just for a few seconds, until it all starts to crash down when the reality leaks into your bubble of fantasies.

Of course there's always hope. Hope that it will lead you to your destination. Bring out new possibilities. Give you the right direction to reach the imaginary cities you've build. Maybe you are developing your own story and by dreaming, you will have a happy ending after all.

You just have to keep the truth nearby so you don't crash too fast, fall too hard, if the clouds underneath your utopia fade away.

Daydreaming can kill you, yet it is the only thing that will keep you alive.

Your gaze is a blade

I use you gaze as a blade

the shadow of your hands on my back as a map

so I'll find the destination

I'll dig up all my weak spots

that I cut off

with the knife I made

out of your forgotten words

Katseesi on terä

Käytän katsettasi teränä

käsiesi varjoa selässäni karttana

jotta löydän perille

Kaivan esiin kaikki heikot kohtani

jotka leikkaan pois

sillä veitsellä jonka muovailin

sinun unohdetuista sanoistasi

Your story

Do you ever get lost in your own dreams?

Gather them, hoping and fearing

that one day you'll reach them

What will be left if the happy ending

happens in the middle of the story?

Are you ever afraid of the plot twists?

You avoid bumps along the way

and countlessly slow down your journey

Maybe you are not the main character

you only have a walk-on role

Do you still want to see how the story ends?

[10/16]

Sinun tarinasi

Eksytkö koskaan omiin unelmiisi?

Haalit niitä toivoen ja peläten

että jonain päivänä saavutat ne

Mitä jää jäljelle jos onnellinen loppu

tapahtuukin tarinan keskellä

Pelkäätkö koskaan juonenkäänteitä?

Välttelet kuoppia matkan varrella

hidastaen matkaasi moninkertaisesti

Ehkä et olekaan päähenkilö

sinulla onkin vain sivuosa

Haluatko silti nähdä kuinka tarina loppuu?

[10/16]