Kintsugi

When I try to pull you closer

You slip through my cracks

You wanted to mend me

Like the art of repairing what is broken

with golden seams

But the gold leaked

out of place

disappearing into the ground

You are too valuable

to spend it all on me

I just want to fly

I hear those vultures closing in

sensing my will

eager thoughts of confrontation

I just want to fly

I don't care how and where

I need the freedom

Air beneath me

Shred me or

swallow me whole

for I am the prey they need

And I want to be

Koti-ikävä

En ole oma itseni
Minut on puserrettu
muotin läpi
rikottu ja kasattu ehjäksi
raavittu kasaan kengänpohjista
joiden askeleet
veivät liian kauaksi kotoa

The inevitable crash

I am not in control anymore

I'm losing these clouds I gathered

the clouds that are supposed to

make this wreck, this crashing plane

land softly

I plant flowers in jars and

behind my eyes,

hoping this speed that is

making my eyes tear up

would water them

make them bloom

I need all the beauty

I can get

for these flashing lights

scare me to death

I want to sit back and

let my world burn so bright

I can lit up the sky

with this flame inside my chest

my black box

Will anyone hear the s.o.s?

Should I scream louder,

fall faster?

I sprinkle these petals

like stars

flickering hope

because it's all I have left

Night sky

My sky looks the same at night

as it does during the day;

when the sun has just set

and the darkness flows

towards everything it wants to own

The comforting weight

of the dim air pushes

through our thoughts

I don't need sunrises

to paint the sky

with bruised colours

nor do I need the light

to find myself

I need this silence

the dusk brings us

It is the only thing

my mind can grasp

Heartsease

Cemeteries with wild flowers

smiling like the queens of it all

conquering man-made stones

Words written on disappearing pages

don't mean much anymore

The candles were burnt out

long before the new life started

And the memories which faded

can now reach a new light

as the blooming beauty picks up

the remains of life

Covers

I lay nude in these words

these pages

that try to cover my scars

I wrap them around me

in the hopes of you

concentrating on the art

rather than finding the real me

A paradox which can

leave us both speechless

When you see

the truth in the poetry

you can see right through me

My truths are disorted

My truths are distorted

I've come to learn

that night whispers

in inverted ways

Paints the nightmares

out of flowers and

delusions out of stars

It took the moribund time

and darkening days

to see the falsehood of it all

Now I'm grasping to

each passing second

all the familiar flickers or light

so I can find my way

through endless labyrinths

of the lies I've created for myself

Hukun

Juon sen kaiken

jos saan tämän tulen

sisälläni sammumaan

Juon meren

sen aallot

siihen heijastuvat tähdet

Juon sen kuin viinin

jotta voin humaltua

sen suuruudesta

ja unohtaa

sisälläni huutavan poltteen

Monsters

Did I bring this madness

this sad theory of everything

onto myself, by myself?

Did I create the monsters

just to have company

in the darkness?

I played with them

from such a young age

that I grew to love them

Now I can't let them go

and be alone again

not again

Unraveling

You made me smile

and that makes me want to

rip myself to pieces

I refuse to long for something

that never even existed

I am on the mercy of these flashbacks

of your heart beating against mine

They pull my heart

like they want to unravel all of it

just for the sake of never looking back

It is easier to forget than remember

Se on valhe

Määrittelen sietokykyni uudelleen

taivutan sen muodostelmaksi

ajatusvirheitä ja eleganssia

Uskottelen jaksavani koko maailman

Kaipaus

Sinun tuoksusi

vaniljaa ja inkivääriä

kietoutuneena tyynyliinani ympärille

Teemukisi edelleen tiskialtaassa

varjosi keittiössä

Kaipaan painoasi päälläni

sitä kuinka voin

kierähtää vierellesi

sielumme toisiaan vasten

alastomina kuin ensimmäistä kertaa

Odotan vain

että voin taas suudella hymyäsi

jotta se tarttuu minuunkin

Kadota minut

Haluan kadota kosketukseesi

kuunnella kuinka kätesi

määrittävät olemassaoloni

piirtävät minut eläväksi

Vajoan allasi

olen mitä vain haluat

Voit maalata minut

niin monin värein

kuin silmäsi tahtovat

kunhan et jätä palaakaan

minusta esiin

Anna minun murtua

painoni alla

uudelleen ja uudelleen

jotta sinun olisi helpompi hengittää

Hide

Undone, unreleased

nothing holding you

but the dreams

you won't let go

Past is easier

than facing the world

that has the power

to hurt us more

Ghost in you

I fell in love with the ghost in you

the ghost of me, in you

the ghost that lightened up the nights

filled with shattered truths

I seemed to believe in the paranormal

in the ordinary thoughts and

day to day life

But in reality ghosts don't exist

Luontoni

Olen tämän kuplan sisällä

sen herra

Toisinaan rauhallinen ulkokuori

luo turvaa

Uskallan kääntää selkäni tyhjyydelle

Annan sen levitä iholleni

pysäyttää ajatukseni

hidastaa sykkeeni

Suljen silmäni

ja putoan onnen läpi

siihen pehmoiseen syliin

jonka olen koonnut kasaan

niistä hymyilevistä muistoista

joihin takerrun

Olen tässä

Olen

Hengitän

Pysähdyn

Vaikka kuori säröilee

luo varjoja

jotka matelevat kuin käärmeet

läpi tanssilattian

annan ilman virrata keuhkoihini

Kun olen tarpeeksi vahva

avaan silmäni

laulan käärmeet tainnuksiin

hypnotisoin itsenikin

Teen mitä vain säilyttääkseni

tämän alttarin jonka olen luonut

Sillä joskus pilvet löytävät

tämänkin paikan

Kuplani pinta väreilee

kuin myrskyn edellä

Voin maalata ympärilleni

kauneimmat kuvitelmat

mutta säätä en voi hallita

En voi käskeä ilmaa pysähtymään

sillä minun pitää hengittää

Täyttää itseni uudella tuulella

Annan salamoiden valaista mieleni

tummien pilvien luoda pimeän yön

jonka turvin voin päästää irti

minuun tarttuneet takiaiset

Voin sulkea silmäni

antaa sateen kastella luomeni

Ja kun herään

tiedän

että voin antaa luontoni elää

Kovettunut

Pinta kuin pumpulia

pehmeää illuusiota

Raavi syvemmälle

ihon alle

Kaiva esiin luuranko

ja sen salaisuudet

Murra luut ja löydät kaiken

Ne likaiset verisuonet

Mustuneen ytimen

Taivaan värit

Kun kohtasimme

taivas valui kirkkaana syliimme

Uimme sateessa

pisaroiden varjossa

Ajatuksissamme myrskypilvet

hymyilevät

heittäessään ilotulituksia päällemme

Summer

She used to dislike summer. The heat and stickiness, the blazing sun and forced happiness. Even the bright nights which lasted forever and held her in the sweet bliss of relaxation, were not enough to make her love summer. She had forgotten the serenity of it during those months and years she walked alone.

She didn't like summer until his hand found hers. When the sleepless nights turned into adventures of skinny dipping in the dark and melting ice cream dripping on their fingers. How their bodies found each other in the cool air on the balcony, when it was the only place to sleep in without the heat catching them.

As autumn and winter arrived, leaving no room for the flowers to bloom and too much darkness for one mind to handle, the memories held her up. Memories of walks around the pond, picnics spent running away from bees, movie marathons on rainy days and sweet lemonade kisses. They could hold on to all the little pieces of warmth as they watched the snow slowly falling, surviving through winter together.

Every sign of spring sparks a new memory of the sun. With every melting pile of snow and every degree rising towards the sky, she could feel her happiness, her joy wake up again. Feeling the grass under her shoes after so many months of snow, she realised how much she missed summer.

She had found her favourite season in him.

What ifs

What if I'm not what you see?

What if I'm too irrational

silly, depressed

much and little?

What if I can't be enough?

And you fall

and break yourself

in the pieces

I've left behind

What if I am always the reason

you are unhappy

missing something

Because you thought you

found it all in us

but I can't play my part

Kestäthän?

Tahdon olla oikea

sopiva

tarpeeksi

juuri se

mistä näet unta

Haluan olla olemassa

antaa

auttaa

ja uskoa meihin

Ollakseni oikeassa

minun on kai vain

antauduttava

ja luottaa siihen

että sinä kestät

Numb

I'm numb

falling through meaningless days

trying

pretending to feel

I tell I know what love feels like

I smile when I'm supposed to

I fake sadness when the rain catches us

Inside all this play

I put on every day

I stare at the sky

blankly

waiting for the moon

Panic room

I am my own panic room

locked inside

these four walls

safe and sound

or stuck in memories

Perfectly horrible mix

of both

Motionless

I long to be the rain

that falls through grey skies

I reflect myself

in the clouds

read star signs

like it is the truth

of my existence

But I fall

nonetheless

I fall

and it is the only thing

that keeps me in motion

Vaihtokauppa

Sinä poimit muruseni

ripottelit ne takaisin

oikeille paikoilleen

Annoit ja otit

vaihtokauppaa parhaimmillaan

Minusta, yhdestä ja niin monesta

kokosit taas ihmisen

joka hengittää

Hymyilen, sillä tiedät

kuinka tehdä kauppaa

Snowy days

The air sits still

and the sun sets

snow falling

like I fall for you

The light of our hearts

will fight this

dark December

bleak days

for we will continue

on our way

even when the slowly dancing snow

tries to surround us

There is beauty

in these frosty days

and warm fingers

intertwining

My body is a gun

My body is a gun

I pull the trigger

every time I remember us

I shoot to kill

the beauty of the memories

we created that night

This time I will fall

all on my own

to the ground

Shooting star

I see a shooting star in you

the falling sparks

leaking from your eyes

when the stormy clouds

cover your mind

Se tapahtuu vääjäämättä

Makaan sun vieressä sängyllä

meillä on alla moottoritie

kaksisataa lasissa

Katson kuinka sä hengität

syvään ja hartaasti

ja ihmettelen, eikö tämä vauhti

saa sunkin silmiä vuotamaan

Pelkään ettei nämä tyynyt jotka on

täytetty hengitetyllä ilmalla

pehmennä meidän törmäystä

Tuhopolttajan taivas

Loin itselleni helvetin

jotta sydämeni ei jäätyisi

Poltin itseni vain

jotta voisin kuvitella olevani Feeniks

Tuhopolttajan taivas

tuhkat jalkojeni alla

polttavat edelleen

vaikka maa on jo jäätynyt

ja minä sen mukana

[03/17]

The notebook of whispered thoughts

Why is my heart pounding

when I write?

I grab the pen

to pour out my feelings

let loose the rhythm

that beats against my chest

Yet as I look down

on the notebook in front of me

my heart starts to dance in panic

Or in relief?

Every time a day

a week

a month

goes by without opening

the notebook of words

I am sure I have lost myself

I have come to the end of the road

that served me so well for years

I am dry

no ink spilling on the pages anymore

But then my heart starts to beat again

aches so much

that the only things that make it better

are the pen I have lost and

the notebook of whispered thoughts

[03/18]

Pillow talk

It's all just pillow talk

soft words crumbling

behind our closed lips

Mine against your neck

while you fall asleep

and dream of someone else

[03/18]

Lose

I can't stand silence

it brings out my inner dialogue

misfortunate lies

I don't know how to stand still

when my trembling legs

want to run towards the noise

Inside my head, inside my heart

the ongoing battle fades

as I scratch another lottery ticket

Winning is not important

I just want to lose

all sense of myself

All while the silence

tries to suffocate me

[03/18]

Meidän karttamme

Kirjoitan tarinamme ihollesi

seuraan sormellani väristyksiä

jotka kulkevat pintasi alla

kartoitan jokaisen huokauksen

En tahdo irroittaa otettani

vaikka tunnen sinun hiljalleen haihtuvan

[02/18]

Web of ignorance

I'm in love

with a daydream

intertwined in the lace

I want to believe

to be beautiful fabric

Ignoring the spider

that is crawling towards me

[03/18]

Muista

Harmaita hiuksia

putoilee tyynyn viereen

haalistuneiden muistojen

nostaessa hänet jälleen ylös

Mennyt elämä työntyy

ärsyttävän lähelle

ei jätä tilaa hengittämiselle

Samalla kun se tekee

siihen tarttumisen mahdottomaksi

[12/17]

Remember

Grey hair falling

next to the pillow

as faded memories

pick her up again

The past life pushing

annoyingly close

leaving no room to breathe

All while it's impossible

to grasp it all

[12/17]

Unfolding

I am sitting in a corner

watching myself unfold

I can't feel myself

yet I am bleeding

The black blood

tries to remind me

of life

how it feels to

be something

As my thoughts turn red

and my eyelids give up

I untie the last knots

that keep me together

[12/17]

Pieces

I want to fall to pieces

crumble under your touch

while your fingertips

glue my soul

back together

[01/18]

In between

I'm in between

In between of life and death

existing silently

In between the road and the forest

drowning in the trench

In between the sun and the moon

floating away in the heavy air

In between is my home

where I belong

For I am the good and the bad

perfect blend of invisibility

Easily lost and easily forgotten

          (by others, by myself)

I forgot myself

in between these lines

[12/17]

Hallucination

I am all that I am not

My imagination pulls together

fantasy worlds and fake identities

I keep losing myself in them

thinking I'm real when I am not

Introducing myself as something more

than a mere hallucination

[12/17]

Tumma kuutamo

Olen istunut läpi unettomat yöt

joina pimeys valuu selkärankaan

eikä tähtitaivaalla ole valoa

Niinä öinä haluan sulkea silmät

ja unohtaa olemassaoloni

koska ajatuskin tummasta kuutamosta

saa minut pelkäämään itseäni

[12/17]

Eksynytkö?

Kylmä katu, pimeät valot

lumi hautaa alleen kaiken

mikä oli joskus elossa

Tuuli suutelee kaulaani

aivan kuin olisin sille jotain velkaa

tahdon kietoutua lämpöön

joka hehkuu minua ympäröivästä jäästä

[12/17]

Make believe

I am a wannabe person

make believe is my greatest talent

under these heavy assumptions

I lay on myself

There is no behind the scenes

no exit from the stage

I am all out

without showing my true self

[11/17]

Selfless

You want to make people smile

tell them everything is gonna be ok

but who is it that will

draw a smile on your lips

when you need it the most?

[12/17]

White noise

I am invisible

trying to find my way

while people walk through me

Disconnected yet still here

just white noise

A ghost running in the empty air

as everyone around me shouts

covers everything in noise

[11/17]

Floating

Your bed is a boat

You sail

in the middle of a dark ocean

waves trying to reach you

The starry sky

behind the layer of grey clouds

won't shine bright enough

to share its light with you

In that moment

when your mind is creating

the upcoming storm

all you can do

is to brave yourself

[11/17]

Miracle

I need no miracles

I need no magic words

All I need is to love

and to be loved

But maybe that would be the miracle

[12/17]

Paper cuts

My bed is deep as I lay down

and try to ignore the noisy days

concentrate on the blissful silence

I fall deeper, harder

with every breath I take

but closed eyes won't block

the hurry and life

The life I'm suppose to

enjoy

love

I'm only surviving

living through relationships

nonsense conversations

while inside all this carefully built facade

I'm screaming loud enough

to lose my voice

The paper people

inside these paper walls

won't hear it

won't rip their way through

to my reality

All I get are paper cuts

that remind me what pain

is suppose to feel like

[11/17]

Dizzy

Your lip between my teeth

your hot breath on the back of my throat

make me feel dizzy for the wrong reasons

As my fingertips dance down your spine

and your restless skin shivers

through the hot waves

our fantasy finally breaks

[11/17]

A distant memory

When sleep is

but a distant memory

an illusion

the theater imagination can start

The endless monologues

of ”what ifs”

and conversations that will

never survive through

the sleepless night

You think through

all the people you hate

and love

What you will never say to them

unless they break your cycle

and come lay next to you

on the half empty bed

where your dreams have abandoned you

[10/17]

Toxic

I want to paint you

with the colours

of a smoky sunset

as I inhale the poison

from your beauty

[10/17]

A riddle

I am a riddle to be solved

a solution to a problematic being

While figuring myself out

I have created more knots

Never ending questions of how to be

[09/17]

I write to be naked

I write to be naked

to find my skin

to find myself

I trace the words around me

make a map

so I can show my true self

to my own heart

When I write

I am me

I can lie and hide

but between the lines

is what I am looking for

When I've tried

to read words out loud

expose my thoughts

it has felt like strip tease

Word by word

piece by piece

I take off my clothes

to reveal my bare self

The only way to love

my unperfect body

is to cover it with letters

phrases that show the side of me

which can only be read

In my handwriting

you can see my emotions

In the shaking voice

reading lines from a messy notebook

you can hear my fears

[10/17]

Kuiskataan

Upotaan hetkeksi siihen uskoon

että maailma voi pysähtyä

jos vain toivomme

             haluamme

             huudamme

tarpeeksi kovaa

[08/17]

Collection of thoughts pt 1

[ These are glimpses from my notebook, lines that never turned into poems. Messy thoughts from 2017. ]


♥♥♥


I am more than the words I write

and less than the empty lines

in this notebook

I try to fill with life

♥♥♥

The ink is my blood

I spill it instead of

dancing with the razorblade

which loves my weaknesses

♥♥♥

We are suppose to

see the same stars

but I don't know if

we are in the same universe

♥♥♥

Don't take the road

that leads straight

to my heart

It'll break us both

♥♥♥

I can feel poetry

on your lips

Your bloodstream moves lines

rushes poems all around your body

♥♥♥

There is a monster under my bed

and it whispers your name

♥♥♥

The word ”darling”

tastes like you


♥♥♥

Replicas

Even if I care

it doesn't mean

I'm happy

Doesn't mean

I won't get stuck

with the replicas

of my imagination

[08/17]

Paradox

I feel like a paradox

I create to fight the anxiety

to clear the sky from the dark clouds

But when I feel good

and the sun is shining above me

my world crumbles

because I can't create beauty

out of the disguised thoughts

[08/17]

A bruised sky

A bruised sky

above my fears

lingering with the weight

of the upcoming rain

that falls on me

like my fear of you

your smile

your emotions

not reflecting mine

[08/17]

Unspoken thoughts

Unspoken thoughts

fragile minds

trying to bring to life

their deepest emotions

Meaningless words flying around

circling the actual cause

figuring out a way

to tell the truth without getting hurt

[08/17]

Painless

Stick roses through my heart

kiss my silent lips

while I try to remember

how we got here

[08/17]

Otava

Sanattomat ajatukset

virtaavat suonissani

pilvien lailla

ne peittävät tähtitaivaan

sumentavat järkeni

Minä vain tahdoin

nähdä Otavan

[09/17]

I long for your nature

I want to make art

out of the dying flowers

behind your ear

out of the leaves under your feet

that cover the ground in autumn

I long for your nature

[08/17]

Flower crown

I wore a flower crown

for you

as a disguise to

cover our withering future

I wanted to

paint our life

with the colours

of the poisonous leaves

surrounding my thoughts

Thorns making my ears bleed

scratching on my skin

Yet I seemed to be

the only one

to hear the autumn coming

[07/17]

Kelo

En tunne enää

liikettä sisälläni

virtaavaa verta

kuoreni alla

joka ennen sai

vartaloni, olemukseni

näyttämään elävältä

Olen vain ontto runko

pystyyn kuollut puu

jonka oksilta linnut putoavat

tunnottomuuteen uupuneina

[08/17]

A minimalistic mind

The storm outside my window

crashes presumptions against the glass

that is about to shatter

under all the pressure

I wish to be as free

as the weather

Scraping leaves from the trees

scattering them around

painting a new image with them

on empty houses' windows

The weather is the true artist

because it drowns our restless thoughts

with lightnings and

roars of the damned gods

We are so small

arguing with nature

Concentrating on the noise inside us

when the thunder tries to free us

distract us

from all we could live without

The weather

the nature

is simple

a minimalistic mind

[07/17]

Poetry

Poetry is just

quiet

barely audible thoughts

lingering

in the presence of

the broken minds

[08/17]

Rainy days

I have so many rainy days inside me

waiting to be let free

on grey Monday mornings

while you drink your black coffee

with sleep still in your eyes

[08/17]

Uneton

Lakanat painavat kuvionsa iholleni

niiden halaus tuntuu surulliselta

Polut liittyvät toisiinsa

Hetken kestäviä arpia

Muistoja yksinäisestä yöstä

jona lakanoiden lämpö

on enemmän kuin tarpeeksi

[06/17]

The love letters

I read your handwriting

fascinated of the loops

of unfinished thoughts

between the lines

The way words melt

into each other

like I hope to do

with your soul

The love letters you wrote

weren't for me to read

[07/17]

Under the weather

The sky runs in my veins

makes my thoughts cloudy

and the sweet rain of missed yesterdays

runs down my face

as the stormy night settles in

Lightnings hit the core of my heart

and I'm too tired to run from them

so I let them light up my nightmares

and pretend that it is just a sunset

suddenly making everything white again

[08/17]

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Katson sinua etäältä

pysyttelen paikoillani

tuijotan ilmaa joka

haluaa vetää minut mukaansa

Myrskyä

joka riepottelee uskoani

Vedät minua puoleesi

sillä sinussa on kaikki

mikä minusta puuttuu

Sinä olet pelottava voima

jonka silmässä kaikki rauhoittuu

Kontrastien luoma taideteos

joka ajaa ymmärtämättömät kauas

mutta minä haluan nähdä sen

kaiken kauneuden

Sinä olet vastakohta

minun tyynelle teeskentelylleni

joka piilottaa taakseen

mielipuolen lailla riehuvat ajatukset

Hitaasti tuhoan itseni

katsellessani sinun jälkeesi jättämää kaaosta

enkä silti uskalla

tulla lähelle

Entä jos törmäämme?

Entä jos täydennämme toisemme?

Olemme?

Katoamme?

[09/17]

Dissociation

Warm waves of silky clouds

lift me up and bury me

under the nonexistent sky

full of dull stars

I'm drifting through the night

like I have no place to go to

while I sit here

dreaming wide awake

My clothes scratch my skin

yet I feel nothing

Numbness crawls up my spine

makes its nest behind me eyes

The sound of rain

from the storm inside me

won't distract my mind enough

to get back inside

Please don't let me float away

not like this

[09/17]

Whole

To say

”you broke me”

would give

too much credit

of something so

comprehensive

to a person who

wasn't able to

see me as a whole

to begin with

[07/17]

Home is where your heart isn't

My mind is so far away

from this place

but I'm still here

Locked inside of this house

I used to call home sweet home

[04/17]

Lost

The bruises on my skin

map out my lost ways

show all my errors, wrong turns

They are the traffic lights that

flashed false colours for me

They are turning from

red to yellow

and I'm not ready to move

Instead of waiting for

them to show their green light

I beat them black and blue again

[05/17]

Kuiva

Minussa ei ole enää sanoja

Olen valuttanut ne kaikki ulos

kuiva paperi nieli viimeisetkin pisarat

inspiraatiostani ja omistautuneisuudestani

Vain tyhjiä rivejä muistikirjassani

ja hiljainen mieli

Sekoitan mustetta juomiini

siinä toivossa että se virtaisi taas veressäni

[03/17]

Dry

There are no words in me anymore

I've drained them all out

the dry paper soaked every last bit

of my inspiration and devotion

Just empty lines in a notebook

and a silent mind

I mix ink in my drinks

in the hopes of it running in my veins again

[03/17]

Ugly

From the mirror stares back

a melted face

eyes leaking acid

mouth stuck in a grin

Freak circus ticket

burns in the back pocket

Chained to a frame

staring at my own reflection

I crawl away from my own life

Is originality

playing any part in this game

if people around me

vomit melancholy

[10/16]

Heart - Mind

Listening to your heart

is the hardest thing

when your mind keeps shouting truths

Listening to your mind

is complicated

when your heart keeps loving

the things you should run away from

the things you should ignore

the things you should forget

the things that aren't even real

I hate how my heart feeds me these fantasies of love

Those scenarios

that make me hopeful

but will never happen because

I'm too afraid to see

I'm too afraid to look at the sun

because I know it will blind me

It should be the source of warmth

and light

but to me it's a scary black hole

that is waiting for me to finally fall for it

To finally burn to pieces

in the name of sanity

or insanity

or maybe both

Sometimes my heart thinks that

being blinded by the burning force

is the same thing as being in love

That all I need is to let myself go

fall in the black hole and

I'll be free

or at least caged in a neverending happiness

But my mind fights against it

It tries to close all the windows

so the light doesn't get in

so I don't lose my sight and sanity

But my heart so often

keeps the door open

[09/16]

The Symphony

I need someone to translate my thoughts

because I don't speak the language

my heart uses

the words my brain sings in

It all sounds like a messy orchestra

with their old instruments

that clash to each other

more out of tune after every note

The nonsense lyrics

don't resonate with me

I can't catch them from the

agonising air

that lingers around me

waits for me to understand it all

[03/17]

I am the night sky

I am not the type of girl

that people write poetry about

not the one that makes people

think of sunrises and summer rain

For I am the night sky, silent

with stars falling like

people fall for each other

[08/17]

She's a black hole

I look at her

She's a black hole

so open, raw

emotions sucking me in

while I fight for my life

for her life

trying to save us both

from this collapsing universe

[07/17]

Crashing tides

She was hoping

silently begging

for him to see

all of the overflowing rivers

she held inside of her

The drops of emotions

not even the ocean

could understand

without drowning

She wanted him

to see

the sea

the crashing tides

behind her eyes

She was always worried

the great waves

would kill him

leave him speechless

But he whispered

”I see you”

[07/17]

Hidden fantasy

I yearn for a place I've never known

I miss eyes I've never seen

All my life there has been

an inexplicable longing

for the nonexistent truth

[04/17]

Shades of self discovery

I am a messy palette

colours mixed in together

painting the outside of the

straight lines

creating grey rainbows

on bruised knees

pale skin faking freckles

just so it doesn't have to be empty

My heart dances with the moon

shining above my imagination

makes up love songs

out of sheer curiosity

while my hands

shaking hands

draw out the insecurity in my spine

shatter bones just to

find colour in them

I am the painting

so many artists in me tried to create

Never finished

Half way done

Half ready to give up

and dive in the bucket

of black paint and misunderstandings

drown out the mistakes

on my skin

under the dark layer of the facade

I'm bleeding colours

I could never imagine described me

but I am all of them

All of the shades of self discovery

I am the lost paint brush

losing all of its (h)air

while breathing under the surface

the blurry water

cleaning the layers of

unused smiles

just to take on another round

My laughing colours

bleed into each other

and the never finished canvas

wrapped around me

lets me breathe for a moment

just to let me know

how it feels like to be

a human

[07/17]

It is up to you

I will be invisible

for as long as you

look straight through me

I will be whole

for as long as you

don't question it

I will be okay

for as long as you

you don't see me

[07/17]

Saavuttamaton vastaus

Kirjoitan tajunnanvirtaa

ja yritän etsiä punaista lankaa

joka yhdistää minut

tähän maailmaan

Se kiemurtelee läpi

mitättömien keskusteluiden

ja turhien suhteiden

ohi kaikkien niiden minuuttien

jotka kulutin miettien

olenko oikeasti olemassa

Päädyn aina samaan lopputulokseen

saavuttamattomaan vastaukseen

[04/17]

Glass

I'm drunk on this numbness

battling against the

timeless minutes

that pass without touching me

I'm clear

see-through

All the cacophony

can't reach me

from this glass castle

I don't know if

I blocked all the feelings

I'm suppose to feel

left them out

as the hours ran away

or if the disappearing days

buried me in this

callous embrace of

grey nights

[04/17]

Lasi

Olen humaltunut tästä tunnottomuudesta

taistelen vastaan

ajattomia minuutteja

jotka kuluvat koskettamatta minua

Olen paljas

läpinäkyvä

Kaikki se kakofonia

ei voi saavuttaa minua

tämän lasilinnan sisältä

En tiedä

salpasinko kaikki ne tunteet

jotka minun kuuluisia tuntea

jätin ne ulos

kun tunnit juoksivat karkuun

vai hautasivatko

katoavat päivät minut

tähän tunteettomaan

harmaiden öiden syleilyyn

[04/17]

The view from within

The view from my balcony

paints pictures in my mind

Full of colors of the sunrise

and the sound of foggy mornings

when birds are too lost to sing

The cars drive by like

there is a better tomorrow waiting

just around the block

I don't believe in happy endings

kisses at sunsets

and bright nights

People can look for the romantic ending

from the neighborhood

but my mind wanders around the city

like a lost raven dressed as a swan

I don't need the wind to take me higher

not another turn on the street

to find a way through this

messy home I've built

The foggy mornings soothe me

so I can imagine a cloudless sky

when the run rises again

and loans its colours to me

so I can fill my restless mind

with the beauty I created

[04/17]

Vuorovesi

Kätesi hartioillani

saavat polveni heikoiksi

kauhusta vai ilosta?

Nämä aallot sisälläni

puhdistavat ja repivät auki

jokaisen ajatukseni, toiveeni

En tiedä kuuluuko minun

takertua sinuun

vai päästää irti

[04/17]

Lukittu

En saa kiinni omista ajatuksistani

ne juoksevat läpi seinien

hyppivät yli aitojen

jotka olen pystyttänyt

pitääkseni muiden katseet

kaukana minusta

En uskalla purkaa muuria

jotta voisin kerätä järkeni takaisin

lukita sen näiden seinien sisään

Saadakseni itseni kokoon

täytyisi minun lyödä itseni läpi

karata tästä vankilasta

joka oli aluksi kyhätty kasaan

oksista ja sammalesta

mutta ajan kuluessa se muuttui

kiveksi ja teräkseksi

Hiljaisuuden keskellä

on helppoa tulla hulluksi

kuvitella ympärille musiikkia ja sanoja

joita kukaan ei ole vielä keksinyt

Kirjoittaa lauseita toisensa jälkeen

ja toivoa että ne auttavat

eristyksen keskellä

tuovat seuraa

edes yksinäisten kirjainten muodossa

Ne eivät silti luo uusia ajatuksia

tuo takaisin karanneita mielikuvituksen rippeitä

[03/17]