21.3.2019

Summer


She used to dislike summer. The heat and stickiness, the blazing sun and forced happiness. Even the bright nights which lasted forever and held her in the sweet bliss of relaxation, were not enough to make her love summer. She had forgotten the serenity of it during those months and years she walked alone.

She didn't like summer until his hand found hers. When the sleepless nights turned into adventures of skinny dipping in the dark and melting ice cream dripping on their fingers. How their bodies found each other in the cool air on the balcony, when it was the only place to sleep in without the heat catching them.

As autumn and winter arrived, leaving no room for the flowers to bloom and too much darkness for one mind to handle, the memories held her up. Memories of walks around the pond, picnics spent running away from bees, movie marathons on rainy days and sweet lemonade kisses. They could hold on to all the little pieces of warmth as they watched the snow slowly falling, surviving through winter together.

Every sign of spring sparks a new memory of the sun. With every melting pile of snow and every degree rising towards the sky, she could feel her happiness, her joy wake up again. Feeling the grass under her shoes after so many months of snow, she realised how much she missed summer.

She had found her favourite season in him.

15.3.2019

What ifs


What if I'm not what you see?
What if I'm too irrational
silly, depressed
much and little?
What if I can't be enough?

And you fall
and break yourself
in the pieces
I've left behind

What if I am always the reason
you are unhappy
missing something

Because you thought you
found it all in us
but I can't play my part