Otava

Sanattomat ajatukset

virtaavat suonissani

pilvien lailla

ne peittävät tähtitaivaan

sumentavat järkeni

Minä vain tahdoin

nähdä Otavan

[09/17]

I long for your nature

I want to make art

out of the dying flowers

behind your ear

out of the leaves under your feet

that cover the ground in autumn

I long for your nature

[08/17]

Flower crown

I wore a flower crown

for you

as a disguise to

cover our withering future

I wanted to

paint our life

with the colours

of the poisonous leaves

surrounding my thoughts

Thorns making my ears bleed

scratching on my skin

Yet I seemed to be

the only one

to hear the autumn coming

[07/17]

Kelo

En tunne enää

liikettä sisälläni

virtaavaa verta

kuoreni alla

joka ennen sai

vartaloni, olemukseni

näyttämään elävältä

Olen vain ontto runko

pystyyn kuollut puu

jonka oksilta linnut putoavat

tunnottomuuteen uupuneina

[08/17]

A minimalistic mind

The storm outside my window

crashes presumptions against the glass

that is about to shatter

under all the pressure

I wish to be as free

as the weather

Scraping leaves from the trees

scattering them around

painting a new image with them

on empty houses' windows

The weather is the true artist

because it drowns our restless thoughts

with lightnings and

roars of the damned gods

We are so small

arguing with nature

Concentrating on the noise inside us

when the thunder tries to free us

distract us

from all we could live without

The weather

the nature

is simple

a minimalistic mind

[07/17]

Poetry

Poetry is just

quiet

barely audible thoughts

lingering

in the presence of

the broken minds

[08/17]

Rainy days

I have so many rainy days inside me

waiting to be let free

on grey Monday mornings

while you drink your black coffee

with sleep still in your eyes

[08/17]

Uneton

Lakanat painavat kuvionsa iholleni

niiden halaus tuntuu surulliselta

Polut liittyvät toisiinsa

Hetken kestäviä arpia

Muistoja yksinäisestä yöstä

jona lakanoiden lämpö

on enemmän kuin tarpeeksi

[06/17]

The love letters

I read your handwriting

fascinated of the loops

of unfinished thoughts

between the lines

The way words melt

into each other

like I hope to do

with your soul

The love letters you wrote

weren't for me to read

[07/17]

Under the weather

The sky runs in my veins

makes my thoughts cloudy

and the sweet rain of missed yesterdays

runs down my face

as the stormy night settles in

Lightnings hit the core of my heart

and I'm too tired to run from them

so I let them light up my nightmares

and pretend that it is just a sunset

suddenly making everything white again

[08/17]

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Sinä olet pyörremyrsky

Katson sinua etäältä

pysyttelen paikoillani

tuijotan ilmaa joka

haluaa vetää minut mukaansa

Myrskyä

joka riepottelee uskoani

Vedät minua puoleesi

sillä sinussa on kaikki

mikä minusta puuttuu

Sinä olet pelottava voima

jonka silmässä kaikki rauhoittuu

Kontrastien luoma taideteos

joka ajaa ymmärtämättömät kauas

mutta minä haluan nähdä sen

kaiken kauneuden

Sinä olet vastakohta

minun tyynelle teeskentelylleni

joka piilottaa taakseen

mielipuolen lailla riehuvat ajatukset

Hitaasti tuhoan itseni

katsellessani sinun jälkeesi jättämää kaaosta

enkä silti uskalla

tulla lähelle

Entä jos törmäämme?

Entä jos täydennämme toisemme?

Olemme?

Katoamme?

[09/17]

Dissociation

Warm waves of silky clouds

lift me up and bury me

under the nonexistent sky

full of dull stars

I'm drifting through the night

like I have no place to go to

while I sit here

dreaming wide awake

My clothes scratch my skin

yet I feel nothing

Numbness crawls up my spine

makes its nest behind me eyes

The sound of rain

from the storm inside me

won't distract my mind enough

to get back inside

Please don't let me float away

not like this

[09/17]

Whole

To say

”you broke me”

would give

too much credit

of something so

comprehensive

to a person who

wasn't able to

see me as a whole

to begin with

[07/17]

Home is where your heart isn't

My mind is so far away

from this place

but I'm still here

Locked inside of this house

I used to call home sweet home

[04/17]

Lost

The bruises on my skin

map out my lost ways

show all my errors, wrong turns

They are the traffic lights that

flashed false colours for me

They are turning from

red to yellow

and I'm not ready to move

Instead of waiting for

them to show their green light

I beat them black and blue again

[05/17]

Kuiva

Minussa ei ole enää sanoja

Olen valuttanut ne kaikki ulos

kuiva paperi nieli viimeisetkin pisarat

inspiraatiostani ja omistautuneisuudestani

Vain tyhjiä rivejä muistikirjassani

ja hiljainen mieli

Sekoitan mustetta juomiini

siinä toivossa että se virtaisi taas veressäni

[03/17]

Dry

There are no words in me anymore

I've drained them all out

the dry paper soaked every last bit

of my inspiration and devotion

Just empty lines in a notebook

and a silent mind

I mix ink in my drinks

in the hopes of it running in my veins again

[03/17]

Ugly

From the mirror stares back

a melted face

eyes leaking acid

mouth stuck in a grin

Freak circus ticket

burns in the back pocket

Chained to a frame

staring at my own reflection

I crawl away from my own life

Is originality

playing any part in this game

if people around me

vomit melancholy

[10/16]

Heart - Mind

Listening to your heart

is the hardest thing

when your mind keeps shouting truths

Listening to your mind

is complicated

when your heart keeps loving

the things you should run away from

the things you should ignore

the things you should forget

the things that aren't even real

I hate how my heart feeds me these fantasies of love

Those scenarios

that make me hopeful

but will never happen because

I'm too afraid to see

I'm too afraid to look at the sun

because I know it will blind me

It should be the source of warmth

and light

but to me it's a scary black hole

that is waiting for me to finally fall for it

To finally burn to pieces

in the name of sanity

or insanity

or maybe both

Sometimes my heart thinks that

being blinded by the burning force

is the same thing as being in love

That all I need is to let myself go

fall in the black hole and

I'll be free

or at least caged in a neverending happiness

But my mind fights against it

It tries to close all the windows

so the light doesn't get in

so I don't lose my sight and sanity

But my heart so often

keeps the door open

[09/16]

The Symphony

I need someone to translate my thoughts

because I don't speak the language

my heart uses

the words my brain sings in

It all sounds like a messy orchestra

with their old instruments

that clash to each other

more out of tune after every note

The nonsense lyrics

don't resonate with me

I can't catch them from the

agonising air

that lingers around me

waits for me to understand it all

[03/17]

I am the night sky

I am not the type of girl

that people write poetry about

not the one that makes people

think of sunrises and summer rain

For I am the night sky, silent

with stars falling like

people fall for each other

[08/17]

She's a black hole

I look at her

She's a black hole

so open, raw

emotions sucking me in

while I fight for my life

for her life

trying to save us both

from this collapsing universe

[07/17]

Crashing tides

She was hoping

silently begging

for him to see

all of the overflowing rivers

she held inside of her

The drops of emotions

not even the ocean

could understand

without drowning

She wanted him

to see

the sea

the crashing tides

behind her eyes

She was always worried

the great waves

would kill him

leave him speechless

But he whispered

”I see you”

[07/17]

Hidden fantasy

I yearn for a place I've never known

I miss eyes I've never seen

All my life there has been

an inexplicable longing

for the nonexistent truth

[04/17]

Shades of self discovery

I am a messy palette

colours mixed in together

painting the outside of the

straight lines

creating grey rainbows

on bruised knees

pale skin faking freckles

just so it doesn't have to be empty

My heart dances with the moon

shining above my imagination

makes up love songs

out of sheer curiosity

while my hands

shaking hands

draw out the insecurity in my spine

shatter bones just to

find colour in them

I am the painting

so many artists in me tried to create

Never finished

Half way done

Half ready to give up

and dive in the bucket

of black paint and misunderstandings

drown out the mistakes

on my skin

under the dark layer of the facade

I'm bleeding colours

I could never imagine described me

but I am all of them

All of the shades of self discovery

I am the lost paint brush

losing all of its (h)air

while breathing under the surface

the blurry water

cleaning the layers of

unused smiles

just to take on another round

My laughing colours

bleed into each other

and the never finished canvas

wrapped around me

lets me breathe for a moment

just to let me know

how it feels like to be

a human

[07/17]

It is up to you

I will be invisible

for as long as you

look straight through me

I will be whole

for as long as you

don't question it

I will be okay

for as long as you

you don't see me

[07/17]

Saavuttamaton vastaus

Kirjoitan tajunnanvirtaa

ja yritän etsiä punaista lankaa

joka yhdistää minut

tähän maailmaan

Se kiemurtelee läpi

mitättömien keskusteluiden

ja turhien suhteiden

ohi kaikkien niiden minuuttien

jotka kulutin miettien

olenko oikeasti olemassa

Päädyn aina samaan lopputulokseen

saavuttamattomaan vastaukseen

[04/17]

Glass

I'm drunk on this numbness

battling against the

timeless minutes

that pass without touching me

I'm clear

see-through

All the cacophony

can't reach me

from this glass castle

I don't know if

I blocked all the feelings

I'm suppose to feel

left them out

as the hours ran away

or if the disappearing days

buried me in this

callous embrace of

grey nights

[04/17]

Lasi

Olen humaltunut tästä tunnottomuudesta

taistelen vastaan

ajattomia minuutteja

jotka kuluvat koskettamatta minua

Olen paljas

läpinäkyvä

Kaikki se kakofonia

ei voi saavuttaa minua

tämän lasilinnan sisältä

En tiedä

salpasinko kaikki ne tunteet

jotka minun kuuluisia tuntea

jätin ne ulos

kun tunnit juoksivat karkuun

vai hautasivatko

katoavat päivät minut

tähän tunteettomaan

harmaiden öiden syleilyyn

[04/17]

The view from within

The view from my balcony

paints pictures in my mind

Full of colors of the sunrise

and the sound of foggy mornings

when birds are too lost to sing

The cars drive by like

there is a better tomorrow waiting

just around the block

I don't believe in happy endings

kisses at sunsets

and bright nights

People can look for the romantic ending

from the neighborhood

but my mind wanders around the city

like a lost raven dressed as a swan

I don't need the wind to take me higher

not another turn on the street

to find a way through this

messy home I've built

The foggy mornings soothe me

so I can imagine a cloudless sky

when the run rises again

and loans its colours to me

so I can fill my restless mind

with the beauty I created

[04/17]

Vuorovesi

Kätesi hartioillani

saavat polveni heikoiksi

kauhusta vai ilosta?

Nämä aallot sisälläni

puhdistavat ja repivät auki

jokaisen ajatukseni, toiveeni

En tiedä kuuluuko minun

takertua sinuun

vai päästää irti

[04/17]

Lukittu

En saa kiinni omista ajatuksistani

ne juoksevat läpi seinien

hyppivät yli aitojen

jotka olen pystyttänyt

pitääkseni muiden katseet

kaukana minusta

En uskalla purkaa muuria

jotta voisin kerätä järkeni takaisin

lukita sen näiden seinien sisään

Saadakseni itseni kokoon

täytyisi minun lyödä itseni läpi

karata tästä vankilasta

joka oli aluksi kyhätty kasaan

oksista ja sammalesta

mutta ajan kuluessa se muuttui

kiveksi ja teräkseksi

Hiljaisuuden keskellä

on helppoa tulla hulluksi

kuvitella ympärille musiikkia ja sanoja

joita kukaan ei ole vielä keksinyt

Kirjoittaa lauseita toisensa jälkeen

ja toivoa että ne auttavat

eristyksen keskellä

tuovat seuraa

edes yksinäisten kirjainten muodossa

Ne eivät silti luo uusia ajatuksia

tuo takaisin karanneita mielikuvituksen rippeitä

[03/17]

The book of my mind

My mind is full on unread words

phrases that never leave my lips

I wish you could read my mind

find your way through my truths

the lost parts of conversations

and dreams I can't say out loud

I'd give you the key to unlock all of it

but just for a minute

so you could know me

learn the little pieces of me

that I can't seem to bring out

But I wouldn't let you see all of it

because even I can just barely understand

what the words in the book of my mind mean

[04/17]

Ruusutarha

Tein itselleni pedin ruusujen keskelle

nukahdin siihen tuoksuun

annoin sen tunkeutua ihoni alle

Se puudutti aistini

en huomannut piikkien raapivan kasvojani

ennen kuin arvet

tekivät silmien avaamisen mahdottomaksi

tuskallisen turhauttavaksi

Verta vuotavat huuleni

eivät voineet edes kuiskata

vaikka ruusut ympärilläni

saivat sanat sisälläni soimaan

[03/17]

3 a.m.

Your tangled hair lays on the pillow like a messy cloud, the same way your thoughts are knotted and scattered around your bed at 3 a.m. The heavy air is pressing you against the cold sheets and you feel like you can't move under all the numb restlessness. It's too much and too little.

Midnight has passed a long time ago. It feels like there is an eternity between you and the daylight but in reality, there's only the wall your mind created. The one you put up every night. It blocks your sleep because even though you are tired and crave for the much needed rest, you are simply too exhausted to climb over it. So you stay behind it, let it divide your thoughts from reality, your anxious mind from sleep.

There are moments when you can close your eyes and pretend that your consciousness is no longer awake. Imagine that the loneliness around you is a mere illusion. There is a movie playing inside your eyelids, giving you hope for the empty days to soon fill with life. You can almost feel someone next to you, the person you long for. The warmth of another lonely soul. Imagine that the air, the breath that brushes your skin isn't actually yours but someone else's.

As long as you keep your eyes closed, you are safe. The only thing you need are the dreams you create and even if the wall around you is keeping sleep far away from you, at least you'll have the illusion. The blue haven for your soul.

3 a.m. can be deadly if you let it too close; if the fantasy breaks and you let reality flow into your imagination, let it mix with all the sweet little lies of yours. Even if you open your eyes to see the darkness settling in, there's still hope as long as you draw that thin line between small hours and you.

The wall you keep building against your own will protects your soul, it's between your inner self and everything else. Just don't let it grow too tall or your soul will turn into a prisoner of itself. But don't let it crumble too fast either, it might just be the only thing that keeps you sane when the loneliness sinks in too deep and hits your core.

Scarred sky

Scarred sky underneath my skin

star constellations on the surface

Your touch brings out

all the sparkling galaxies within me

This stardust around us

creates a new light for the past

beautiful shadows for the future

Let's fall when we still can

[03/17]

Arpinen taivas

Arpinen taivas ihoni alla

tähtikuvioita pinnalla

Sinun kosketuksesi tuo esiin

kaikki sisälläni kuplivat galaksit

Tämä tähtisumu ympärillämme

luo uuden valon menneisyydelle

kauniita varjoja tulevaisuudelle

Pudotaan vielä kun voidaan

[03/17]

I can't please my mind

I can't please my mind

When I take a right turn

it screams in my left ear

When I stop thinking

it keeps pushing me over the edge

I have to keep on moving

even when my feet

are glued to the ground

and soul nailed to

the scene around me

I can't please my mind

even when I try to

because it doesn't know what it wants

and neither do I

We are the same

[03/17]

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

Kun käännyn oikeaan

se huutaa vasempaan korvaani

Kun lopetan ajattelemisen

se työntää minut reunan yli

Minun täytyy pysyä liikkeessä

vaikka jalkani ovat

liimattuina maahan

ja sieluni naulattuna

maisemaan ympärilläni

En voi miellyttää mieltäni

vaikka yrittäisin

koska se ei tiedä mitä se haluaa

enkä tiedä minäkään

Olemme samanlaisia

[03/17]

Älä jää

Selkäsi kaari

tuntuu kohtalolta

vasten sieluani

Sinun lämpösi

sulaa ihollani

kuin lumi

Ethän jää tänne

[03/17]

Don't stay

The arch of your back

feels like destiny

against my soul

Your warmth

melts on my skin

like snow

Please don't stay

[03/17]

Ei mitään

Tyhjät silmät, tyhjät kädet

Hiljaisuus vuotaa suonistani

Elotonta ilmaa keuhkoissani

Paljaita ajatuksia pimeydessä

Ja kaikki mitä halusin

olit sinä

[03/17]

Nothing

Empty eyes, empty hands

Silence bleeding from my veins

Lifeless air in my lungs

Bare thoughts in the darkness

And all I wanted

was you

[03/17]

Kiss the poetry from your lips

Kiss the poetry

from your lips

onto mine

Breathe out your lies

so I have something

to believe in

Let your wandering hands

create new paths

for our mistakes

Do anything just so

I don't have to fall

          apart

          in love

Just one minute

Time is not real within this numbness

the ticking of the clock

is not from my reality

It echoes from another dimension

demands to be heard

when I don't understand its language

It keeps pushing me around

showing me the way to dead ends

and abandoned conclusions

The numbers try to make me move

tell me stories of failure

scare me to think that

my world is disappearing

as the seconds pass so loudly

All I need is a minute for myself

[03/17]

Vain yksi minuutti

Aika ei ole totta tässä tunnottomuudessa

kellon tikitys

ei ole minun todellisuudestani

Se kaikuu toisesta ulottuvuudesta

vaatii tulla kuulluksi

vaikka en ymmärrä sen kieltä

Se tönii minua ympäriinsä

näyttää tien umpikujiin

ja hylättyihin päätelmiin

Numerot yrittävät saada minut liikkumaan

kertovat tarinoita epäonnistumisesta

pelottelevat minut ajattelemaan

että maailmani on katoamassa

kun sekunnit kiitävät äänekkäästi ohi

Minä tarvitsisin vain minuutin itselleni

[03/17]

We have the whole universe

Our sun and moon

circle the same story

dance side by side

They bring light to each other

create a whole world

where it's easy to sink in

escape from the thunder

and rain

Two of us in the middle of the stars

part of the universe

that gives the opportunity for everything

we dare to dream about

We just need to

grab the orbit

that leads towards

a new sunrise

a new full moon

Meillä on koko avaruus

Meidän aurinko ja kuu

kiertää samaa tarinaa

tanssii vierekkäin

Ne tuo valoa toisilleen

luo kokonaisen maailman

johon on helppo upota

karata ukkospilviltä

ja sadekuuroilta

Me kaksi tähtisateen keskellä

osa sitä avaruutta

joka antaa mahdollisuuden kaikelle

mistä uskallamme unelmoida

Meidän tarvitsee vain

tarttua kiertorataan

joka johdattaa kohti

uutta auringonnousua

uutta täysikuuta

Disfigured

This shape around me

wrapped in disgust

dishonesty

Too close to see clearly

I'm turning into

a disfigured presumption

Breaking my own rules

of beauty

[03/17]

Runneltu

Tämä hahmo ympärilläni

kietoutunut vastenmielisyyteen

epärehellisyyteen

Liian lähellä nähdäkseni selvästi

Olen muuttumassa

runnelluksi olettamukseksi

Rikon omat sääntöni

kauneudesta

[03/17]

Daydreaming can kill you

Daydreaming can kill you.

When the empty walls around you pull themselves closer to you and the faint echo of your past self lingers in the white rooms, it's easy to escape into the world you have created. Just let go of everything else for a while and sink in the depth of your inner reality.

The never ending flow of imagination can cuddle you up like the person who never walked into your life. It will embrace you in its loving arms as you dive deeper in the dream that you can just barely touch. It will comfort you, be your partner through the cold nights.

It's easy to imagine love, just the way you would need it. There are no sharp edges in daydreams, no breaking points in the heart that is not beating in the real world. Just the sweet bliss of being where you need to be, when you need to be.

You can make up all the beauty of it, create new storylines for your twisted needs. New day means a new dream and you can't get enough. Just imagine yourself the love and lust you've wanted, build a whole new future for yourself, even if it's just for a few seconds, until it all starts to crash down when the reality leaks into your bubble of fantasies.

Of course there's always hope. Hope that it will lead you to your destination. Bring out new possibilities. Give you the right direction to reach the imaginary cities you've build. Maybe you are developing your own story and by dreaming, you will have a happy ending after all.

You just have to keep the truth nearby so you don't crash too fast, fall too hard, if the clouds underneath your utopia fade away.

Daydreaming can kill you, yet it is the only thing that will keep you alive.

Your gaze is a blade

I use you gaze as a blade

the shadow of your hands on my back as a map

so I'll find the destination

I'll dig up all my weak spots

that I cut off

with the knife I made

out of your forgotten words

Katseesi on terä

Käytän katsettasi teränä

käsiesi varjoa selässäni karttana

jotta löydän perille

Kaivan esiin kaikki heikot kohtani

jotka leikkaan pois

sillä veitsellä jonka muovailin

sinun unohdetuista sanoistasi

Your story

Do you ever get lost in your own dreams?

Gather them, hoping and fearing

that one day you'll reach them

What will be left if the happy ending

happens in the middle of the story?

Are you ever afraid of the plot twists?

You avoid bumps along the way

and countlessly slow down your journey

Maybe you are not the main character

you only have a walk-on role

Do you still want to see how the story ends?

[10/16]

Sinun tarinasi

Eksytkö koskaan omiin unelmiisi?

Haalit niitä toivoen ja peläten

että jonain päivänä saavutat ne

Mitä jää jäljelle jos onnellinen loppu

tapahtuukin tarinan keskellä

Pelkäätkö koskaan juonenkäänteitä?

Välttelet kuoppia matkan varrella

hidastaen matkaasi moninkertaisesti

Ehkä et olekaan päähenkilö

sinulla onkin vain sivuosa

Haluatko silti nähdä kuinka tarina loppuu?

[10/16]

Underwater

I saw you in the lake

that's on the back of my head

swimming in my mind

drowning in my thoughts

I wanted to save you

from the waves that

hit the shore so hard

crashed against the rocks

By concentrating on you

looking after you

I made myself disappear

Trying to understand you

was enough to make me

go underwater

[12/16]

The hunter

The dark, shapeshifting figure

inside my bones

shows up in my shadow

if you just know how to look for it

It's mutilating my soul

to make it easier to swallow

easier to make it look like

it all has just been an accident

It keeps messing with my mind

and I don't know anything anymore

If I created it or

if I caught it like an unfortunate cold

Or if it found me

I'm its prey

Breaking

Maybe it was meant to be like this

Maybe I'm suppose to be alone

so no one can break me

But I'm not sure

if I can stay away

from myself

Not break myself

[10/16]

Avaa minut

Avaa rintani

kaiva esille kaikki minkä löydät

kaikki luurankoni

jotka olen piilottanut sisääni

ja sirpaleet joista en saanut kasattua

enää yhtään kokonaista minää

Voit tehdä niillä mitä vaan

Murskaa ne tomuksi

tai kasaa takaisin kokonaiseksi yritykseksi

olla jotain muuta kuin minä

Mikä vain on parempi

kuin tämä haalistunut kulissi

[01/17]

Tangled

I'm tired of you

I'm tired of these thoughts about you

about us, about me

that keep circling my brain

like a hunter its prey

You still show the way

my heart was not suppose to go

It took a leap of faith

and ended up losing its independence

the second it was caught in your web

of ignorance and silence

The sweet bliss you knitted around us

while I got tangled

You still pull the strings

create new loops

even when I can't think about you

when my memories have an empty space

where you used to be

Somehow you still guide my thoughts

during nights like this

when I think you are in the neverending past

and that you can't break free from it

Forgotten forevermore

I can't remember your smile

your manners

but your voice still echoes

around me, inside me

like a doomed ghost

looking for the final place to rest

I don't know how to silence you

without breaking my own promises

[02/17]

The Mask

I'm scared that my face shows

everything I think about

every single lie I tell myself

every dream I don't dare to dream

I would rather be faceless

than reveal all the conflict inside me

just by existing

blinking

breathing

[01/17]

Hyökyaallot

Minun hiljaisuuteni on pakoreitti

niiltä hyökyaalloilta

jotka syövät tietänsä ulos sisältäni

Hukun sekunti sekunnilta

enemmän ja syvemmälle

vaikka hengitystieni ovat tyhjät

täynnä aavemaista äänettömyyttä

Yritän pitää mieleni tyynenä

vaikka myrskyn silmä

pyörii sydämeni ympärillä

takertuu siitä lähteviin sykähdyksiin

aivan kuin se yrittäisi vetää itseään kuiville

Todellisuudessa se on ainoa

joka tekee paikallaan pysymisen mahdottomaksi

Huojun aaltojen armoilla

isken itseni rantakivikkoon

kerta toisensa jälkeen

Enkä enää muista

miltä pilvetön taivas näyttää

[01/17]

Your reflection

I imagine that touching you

would be like touching a mirror

tracing my own picture

inside the heavy frame

Your cold skin reflecting mine

Light shining all around you

but never actually meeting your eyes

never finding your soul

The cool surface on you

would make you out of reach

so smooth under my fingertips

leaving my senses blank

I would be afraid that I'd break you

and hurt myself with the shards

Sinun heijastuksesi

Kuvittelen että sinun koskettamisesi

olisi kuin koskettaisi peiliä

jäljentäisin omaa kuvaani

painavan kehyksen sisällä

Sinun kylmä ihosi heijastaa minut

Ympärilläsi loistaa valo

mutta se ei koskaan tapaa silmiäsi

ei koskaan löydä sieluasi

Ylläsi oleva viileä pinta

tekisi sinut ulottumattomaksi

niin sileä sormenpäideni alla

jättää aistini tyhjiksi

Pelkäisin rikkovani sinut

ja satuttavani itseni sirpaleisiin

Valveuni

Näen valveunia illoista

valkoisista öistä

joiden kuuluisi rauhoittaa

taivuttaa minut uneen

Mieleni ei hiljene

vaikka ylitseni pyyhkivä

raskas lyijy tukehduttaa

jättää jälkeensä naarmuja

Toisinaan haaveilen siitä

kuinka kaikki pimenee

edes vain sekunniksi

jotta jaksaisin taas pudota

Take it with you

I wish my heart didn't belong to anyone

that it just stayed inside my chest

beat its way to life but nothing more or less

It would be cradled in sweet nothingness

But I keep sending parts of it away

with every stranger I encounter

every smile I receive

It doesn't know the difference

between illusion and truth

It wants to escape its cold prison

whenever someone mixes up its rhythm

I wish my heart didn't belong to anyone else but me

because I need to hear its beat

more than anyone else

[01/17]

Vie se mukanasi

Toivon että sydämeni ei kuuluisi kenellekään

että se pysyisi rintani sisällä

hakkaisi itsensä eloon mutta ei enempää eikä vähempää

Se olisi tuuditettuna makeaan unohdukseen

Mutta lähetän siitä osia pois

jokaisen tuntemattoman matkaan

jokaisen vastaanotetun hymyn vuoksi

Se ei tunne eroa

illuusion ja totuuden välillä

Se haluaa paeta kylmästä vankilastaan

aina kun joku sekoittaa sen rytmin

Toivon että sydämeni ei kuuluisi kenellekään muulle kuin minulle

koska minun täytyy kuulla sen tahti

enemmän kuin kenenkään muun

[01/17]

Empty echo

My walls are screaming

collapsing

crumbling down

My soul has a free will

trying to escape

abandon this rotten building

I can't give it what it needs

can't be the sanctuary

to keep it safe

The empty echo

that it left behind

is not enough

(10/2016)

Tyhjä kaiku

Seinäni huutavat

sortuvat

murenevat alas

Sielullani on vapaa tahto

se yrittää karata

hylätä tämän mädän rakennuksen

En voi antaa sille tarvitsemaansa

olla pyhättö

joka pitää sen turvassa

Tyhjä kaiku

jonka se jätti jälkeensä

ei ole tarpeeksi

(10/2016)

Universe

I am waiting

naked and exposed

as the clouds behind my eyes

cry salty rain on my cheeks

The pale moon above us

shines pastel light

cradles us in sweet oblivion

as we swing between galaxies

To you this whole world

the entire universe

is open wide and calling your name

Just like I am

Waiting for you to find

all its miracles and sorrows

the forgotten planets

which you can't see

You are stuck behind the meteor shower

But my universe is so much bigger

than our realities

it breathes in the stars

that burst into blue flames

shining new light beyond us

You can't even imagine all the beauty

of these broken skies

I want the orbit inside me

to flow out like a wild river

paint the cold sun with all its wonders

so you can make it yours

Dark beauty

I try to find beauty in my thoughts

in the way my mind leaves scars

where ever it touches

In a moment like this

when my brain won't stop turning

making me feel dizzy

it's hard to remember

the name of the cause

The name

that was given to me when I was born

The name

I wish someone said out loud

I'm scared to go too far

with my intriguing nightmares

in the search for beauty

I might get lost in them

They pull me near when I close my eyes

even though I know

there's nothing beautiful

in the deep thoughts

my mind keeps feeding me

[01/01/17]

En asu täällä enää

Sait minun helvettini näyttämään niin helpolta

Maalasit kauniita kuvioita revenneen tapetin päälle

peitit halkeamat lattiassa uusilla matoilla

Se ei silti estänyt seiniä kaatumasta päälleni

ikkunoita särkymästä

kun pääni sisällä kiertävät huudot

halkoivat taajuuksia

Minun kehoni oli vuokralla sinulle

kaikki oikeudet luovutettu

Se mitä minusta oli jäljellä

on nyt pakattu muuttolaatikoihin

matkalla uuteen osoitteeseen

tai ehkä kaatopaikalle

romuttamon roskikseen

Kattolampusta sataa sirpaleita päälleni

kun rukoilen edes yhtä valonsädettä

Ne sanoo että helvetti on ikuinen tuli

mutta minä en näe kuin pimeyttä

En tunne niitä lieskoja

joiden kuuluisi polttaa turtaa ihoani

Kylmät käteni on sidottu ovenkahvaan

odottamaan että raameista vuotava pakkanen

vie lopunkin tunnon

(10/2016)