26.12.2018

Snowy days


The air sits still
and the sun sets
snow falling
like I fall for you

The light of our hearts
will fight this
dark December
bleak days

for we will continue
on our way
even when the slowly dancing snow
tries to surround us

There is beauty
in these frosty days
and warm fingers
intertwining

20.12.2018

My body is a gun


My body is a gun
I pull the trigger
every time I remember us

I shoot to kill
the beauty of the memories
we created that night

This time I will fall
all on my own
to the ground

11.12.2018

Shooting star


I see a shooting star in you
the falling sparks
leaking from your eyes
when the stormy clouds
cover your mind

7.12.2018

Se tapahtuu vääjäämättä


Makaan sun vieressä sängyllä
meillä on alla moottoritie
kaksisataa lasissa

Katson kuinka sä hengität
syvään ja hartaasti
ja ihmettelen, eikö tämä vauhti
saa sunkin silmiä vuotamaan

Pelkään ettei nämä tyynyt jotka on
täytetty hengitetyllä ilmalla
pehmennä meidän törmäystä

27.10.2018

Tuhopolttajan taivas

Loin itselleni helvetin
jotta sydämeni ei jäätyisi
Poltin itseni vain
jotta voisin kuvitella olevani Feeniks

Tuhopolttajan taivas
tuhkat jalkojeni alla
polttavat edelleen
vaikka maa on jo jäätynyt
ja minä sen mukana

[03/17]

The notebook of whispered thoughts

Why is my heart pounding
when I write?

I grab the pen
to pour out my feelings
let loose the rhythm
that beats against my chest

Yet as I look down
on the notebook in front of me
my heart starts to dance in panic

Or in relief?

Every time a day
a week
a month
goes by without opening
the notebook of words
I am sure I have lost myself

I have come to the end of the road
that served me so well for years

I am dry
no ink spilling on the pages anymore

But then my heart starts to beat again
aches so much
that the only things that make it better
are the pen I have lost and
the notebook of whispered thoughts

[03/18]

Pillow talk

It's all just pillow talk
soft words crumbling
behind our closed lips
Mine against your neck
while you fall asleep
and dream of someone else

[03/18]

Lose

I can't stand silence
it brings out my inner dialogue
misfortunate lies

I don't know how to stand still
when my trembling legs
want to run towards the noise

Inside my head, inside my heart
the ongoing battle fades
as I scratch another lottery ticket

Winning is not important
I just want to lose
all sense of myself

All while the silence
tries to suffocate me

[03/18]

Meidän karttamme

Kirjoitan tarinamme ihollesi
seuraan sormellani väristyksiä
jotka kulkevat pintasi alla
kartoitan jokaisen huokauksen

En tahdo irroittaa otettani
vaikka tunnen sinun hiljalleen haihtuvan

[02/18]

Web of ignorance

I'm in love
with a daydream
intertwined in the lace
I want to believe
to be beautiful fabric

Ignoring the spider
that is crawling towards me

[03/18]

19.8.2018

Muista

Harmaita hiuksia
putoilee tyynyn viereen
haalistuneiden muistojen
nostaessa hänet jälleen ylös

Mennyt elämä työntyy
ärsyttävän lähelle
ei jätä tilaa hengittämiselle

Samalla kun se tekee
siihen tarttumisen mahdottomaksi

[12/17]

Remember

Grey hair falling
next to the pillow
as faded memories
pick her up again

The past life pushing
annoyingly close
leaving no room to breathe

All while it's impossible
to grasp it all

[12/17]

26.6.2018

Unfolding

I am sitting in a corner
watching myself unfold

I can't feel myself
yet I am bleeding

The black blood
tries to remind me
of life
how it feels to
be something

As my thoughts turn red
and my eyelids give up

I untie the last knots
that keep me together

[12/17]

26.5.2018

Pieces

I want to fall to pieces
crumble under your touch
while your fingertips
glue my soul
back together

[01/18]

19.5.2018

In between

I'm in between

In between of life and death
existing silently

In between the road and the forest
drowning in the trench

In between the sun and the moon
floating away in the heavy air

In between is my home
where I belong

For I am the good and the bad
perfect blend of invisibility

Easily lost and easily forgotten
          (by others, by myself)

I forgot myself
in between these lines

[12/17]

10.5.2018

Hallucination

I am all that I am not
My imagination pulls together
fantasy worlds and fake identities
I keep losing myself in them
thinking I'm real when I am not
Introducing myself as something more
than a mere hallucination

[12/17]

27.4.2018

Tumma kuutamo

Olen istunut läpi unettomat yöt
joina pimeys valuu selkärankaan
eikä tähtitaivaalla ole valoa

Niinä öinä haluan sulkea silmät
ja unohtaa olemassaoloni
koska ajatuskin tummasta kuutamosta
saa minut pelkäämään itseäni

[12/17]

19.4.2018

Eksynytkö?

Kylmä katu, pimeät valot
lumi hautaa alleen kaiken
mikä oli joskus elossa

Tuuli suutelee kaulaani
aivan kuin olisin sille jotain velkaa
tahdon kietoutua lämpöön
joka hehkuu minua ympäröivästä jäästä

[12/17]

9.4.2018

Make believe

I am a wannabe person
make believe is my greatest talent
under these heavy assumptions
I lay on myself

There is no behind the scenes
no exit from the stage
I am all out
without showing my true self

[11/17]

3.4.2018

Selfless

You want to make people smile
tell them everything is gonna be ok
but who is it that will
draw a smile on your lips
when you need it the most?

[12/17]

26.3.2018

White noise

I am invisible
trying to find my way
while people walk through me

Disconnected yet still here
just white noise

A ghost running in the empty air
as everyone around me shouts
covers everything in noise

[11/17]

20.3.2018

Floating

Your bed is a boat
You sail
in the middle of a dark ocean
waves trying to reach you

The starry sky
behind the layer of grey clouds
won't shine bright enough
to share its light with you

In that moment
when your mind is creating
the upcoming storm
all you can do
is to brave yourself

[11/17]

8.3.2018

Miracle

I need no miracles
I need no magic words

All I need is to love
and to be loved

But maybe that would be the miracle

[12/17]

26.2.2018

Paper cuts

My bed is deep as I lay down
and try to ignore the noisy days
concentrate on the blissful silence

I fall deeper, harder
with every breath I take
but closed eyes won't block
the hurry and life

The life I'm suppose to
enjoy
love

I'm only surviving
living through relationships
nonsense conversations
while inside all this carefully built facade
I'm screaming loud enough
to lose my voice

The paper people
inside these paper walls
won't hear it
won't rip their way through
to my reality

All I get are paper cuts
that remind me what pain
is suppose to feel like

[11/17]

20.2.2018

Dizzy

Your lip between my teeth
your hot breath on the back of my throat
make me feel dizzy for the wrong reasons

As my fingertips dance down your spine
and your restless skin shivers
through the hot waves
our fantasy finally breaks

[11/17]

11.2.2018

A distant memory

When sleep is
but a distant memory
an illusion
the theater imagination can start

The endless monologues
of ”what ifs”
and conversations that will
never survive through
the sleepless night

You think through
all the people you hate
and love

What you will never say to them
unless they break your cycle
and come lay next to you
on the half empty bed
where your dreams have abandoned you

[10/17]

2.2.2018

Toxic

I want to paint you
with the colours
of a smoky sunset
as I inhale the poison
from your beauty

[10/17]

27.1.2018

A riddle

I am a riddle to be solved
a solution to a problematic being

While figuring myself out
I have created more knots

Never ending questions of how to be

[09/17]

18.1.2018

I write to be naked

I write to be naked
to find my skin
to find myself

I trace the words around me
make a map
so I can show my true self
to my own heart

When I write
I am me

I can lie and hide
but between the lines
is what I am looking for

When I've tried
to read words out loud
expose my thoughts
it has felt like strip tease

Word by word
piece by piece
I take off my clothes
to reveal my bare self

The only way to love
my unperfect body
is to cover it with letters
phrases that show the side of me
which can only be read

In my handwriting
you can see my emotions

In the shaking voice
reading lines from a messy notebook
you can hear my fears

[10/17]

17.1.2018

Kuiskataan

Upotaan hetkeksi siihen uskoon
että maailma voi pysähtyä
jos vain toivomme
             haluamme
             huudamme
tarpeeksi kovaa

[08/17]

16.1.2018

Collection of thoughts pt 1

[ These are glimpses from my notebook, lines that never turned into poems. Messy thoughts from 2017. ]


♥♥♥


I am more than the words I write
and less than the empty lines
in this notebook
I try to fill with life


♥♥♥


The ink is my blood
I spill it instead of
dancing with the razorblade
which loves my weaknesses


♥♥♥


We are suppose to
see the same stars
but I don't know if
we are in the same universe


♥♥♥


Don't take the road
that leads straight
to my heart

It'll break us both


♥♥♥


I can feel poetry
on your lips

Your bloodstream moves lines
rushes poems all around your body


♥♥♥


There is a monster under my bed
and it whispers your name


♥♥♥


The word ”darling”
tastes like you


♥♥♥

15.1.2018

Replicas

Even if I care
it doesn't mean
I'm happy

Doesn't mean
I won't get stuck
with the replicas
of my imagination

[08/17]

14.1.2018

Paradox

I feel like a paradox
I create to fight the anxiety
to clear the sky from the dark clouds

But when I feel good
and the sun is shining above me
my world crumbles

because I can't create beauty
out of the disguised thoughts

[08/17]

13.1.2018

A bruised sky

A bruised sky
above my fears
lingering with the weight
of the upcoming rain
that falls on me

like my fear of you
your smile
your emotions
not reflecting mine

[08/17]

12.1.2018

Unspoken thoughts

Unspoken thoughts
fragile minds
trying to bring to life
their deepest emotions

Meaningless words flying around
circling the actual cause
figuring out a way
to tell the truth without getting hurt

[08/17]

7.1.2018

Painless

Stick roses through my heart
kiss my silent lips
while I try to remember
how we got here

[08/17]