6.8.2020

The inevitable crash

I am not in control anymore

I'm losing these clouds I gathered
the clouds that are supposed to
make this wreck, this crashing plane
land softly

I plant flowers in jars and
behind my eyes,
hoping this speed that is
making my eyes tear up
would water them
make them bloom

I need all the beauty
I can get
for these flashing lights
scare me to death

I want to sit back and
let my world burn so bright
I can lit up the sky
with this flame inside my chest
my black box

Will anyone hear the s.o.s?

Should I scream louder,
fall faster?

I sprinkle these petals
like stars
flickering hope
because it's all I have left

Night sky

My sky looks the same at night
as it does during the day;

when the sun has just set
and the darkness flows
towards everything it wants to own

The comforting weight
of the dim air pushes
through our thoughts

I don't need sunrises
to paint the sky
with bruised colours
nor do I need the light
to find myself

I need this silence
the dusk brings us

It is the only thing
my mind can grasp

Heartsease

Cemeteries with wild flowers
smiling like the queens of it all
conquering man-made stones
Words written on disappearing pages
don't mean much anymore
The candles were burnt out
long before the new life started
And the memories which faded
can now reach a new light
as the blooming beauty picks up
the remains of life

Covers

I lay nude in these words
these pages
that try to cover my scars

I wrap them around me
in the hopes of you
concentrating on the art

rather than finding the real me

A paradox which can
leave us both speechless

When you see
the truth in the poetry
you can see right through me

My truths are disorted

My truths are distorted

I've come to learn
that night whispers
in inverted ways

Paints the nightmares
out of flowers and
delusions out of stars

It took the moribund time
and darkening days
to see the falsehood of it all

Now I'm grasping to
each passing second
all the familiar flickers or light

so I can find my way
through endless labyrinths
of the lies I've created for myself

Hukun

Juon sen kaiken
jos saan tämän tulen
sisälläni sammumaan

Juon meren
sen aallot
siihen heijastuvat tähdet

Juon sen kuin viinin
jotta voin humaltua
sen suuruudesta

ja unohtaa
sisälläni huutavan poltteen

Monsters

Did I bring this madness
this sad theory of everything
onto myself, by myself?

Did I create the monsters
just to have company
in the darkness?

I played with them
from such a young age
that I grew to love them

Now I can't let them go
and be alone again
not again

Unraveling

You made me smile
and that makes me want to
rip myself to pieces

I refuse to long for something
that never even existed

I am on the mercy of these flashbacks
of your heart beating against mine

They pull my heart
like they want to unravel all of it
just for the sake of never looking back

It is easier to forget than remember

Se on valhe

Määrittelen sietokykyni uudelleen
taivutan sen muodostelmaksi
ajatusvirheitä ja eleganssia
Uskottelen jaksavani koko maailman

Kaipaus

Sinun tuoksusi
vaniljaa ja inkivääriä
kietoutuneena tyynyliinani ympärille

Teemukisi edelleen tiskialtaassa
varjosi keittiössä

Kaipaan painoasi päälläni
sitä kuinka voin
kierähtää vierellesi
sielumme toisiaan vasten
alastomina kuin ensimmäistä kertaa

Odotan vain
että voin taas suudella hymyäsi
jotta se tarttuu minuunkin

Kadota minut

Haluan kadota kosketukseesi
kuunnella kuinka kätesi
määrittävät olemassaoloni
piirtävät minut eläväksi

Vajoan allasi
olen mitä vain haluat

Voit maalata minut
niin monin värein
kuin silmäsi tahtovat
kunhan et jätä palaakaan
minusta esiin

Anna minun murtua
painoni alla
uudelleen ja uudelleen
jotta sinun olisi helpompi hengittää

16.7.2019

Hide


Undone, unreleased
nothing holding you
but the dreams
you won't let go

Past is easier
than facing the world
that has the power
to hurt us more

Ghost in you


I fell in love with the ghost in you
the ghost of me, in you
the ghost that lightened up the nights
filled with shattered truths

I seemed to believe in the paranormal
in the ordinary thoughts and
day to day life
But in reality ghosts don't exist

Luontoni


Olen tämän kuplan sisällä
sen herra

Toisinaan rauhallinen ulkokuori
luo turvaa
Uskallan kääntää selkäni tyhjyydelle
Annan sen levitä iholleni
pysäyttää ajatukseni
hidastaa sykkeeni

Suljen silmäni
ja putoan onnen läpi
siihen pehmoiseen syliin
jonka olen koonnut kasaan
niistä hymyilevistä muistoista
joihin takerrun

Olen tässä

Olen
Hengitän
Pysähdyn

Vaikka kuori säröilee
luo varjoja
jotka matelevat kuin käärmeet
läpi tanssilattian
annan ilman virrata keuhkoihini

Kun olen tarpeeksi vahva
avaan silmäni
laulan käärmeet tainnuksiin
hypnotisoin itsenikin

Teen mitä vain säilyttääkseni
tämän alttarin jonka olen luonut

Sillä joskus pilvet löytävät
tämänkin paikan

Kuplani pinta väreilee
kuin myrskyn edellä

Voin maalata ympärilleni
kauneimmat kuvitelmat
mutta säätä en voi hallita
En voi käskeä ilmaa pysähtymään
sillä minun pitää hengittää
Täyttää itseni uudella tuulella

Annan salamoiden valaista mieleni
tummien pilvien luoda pimeän yön
jonka turvin voin päästää irti
minuun tarttuneet takiaiset

Voin sulkea silmäni
antaa sateen kastella luomeni

Ja kun herään
tiedän
että voin antaa luontoni elää

Kovettunut


Pinta kuin pumpulia
pehmeää illuusiota

Raavi syvemmälle
ihon alle
Kaiva esiin luuranko
ja sen salaisuudet

Murra luut ja löydät kaiken
Ne likaiset verisuonet

Mustuneen ytimen

Taivaan värit

Kun kohtasimme
taivas valui kirkkaana syliimme

Uimme sateessa
pisaroiden varjossa

Ajatuksissamme myrskypilvet
hymyilevät
heittäessään ilotulituksia päällemme

21.3.2019

Summer


She used to dislike summer. The heat and stickiness, the blazing sun and forced happiness. Even the bright nights which lasted forever and held her in the sweet bliss of relaxation, were not enough to make her love summer. She had forgotten the serenity of it during those months and years she walked alone.

She didn't like summer until his hand found hers. When the sleepless nights turned into adventures of skinny dipping in the dark and melting ice cream dripping on their fingers. How their bodies found each other in the cool air on the balcony, when it was the only place to sleep in without the heat catching them.

As autumn and winter arrived, leaving no room for the flowers to bloom and too much darkness for one mind to handle, the memories held her up. Memories of walks around the pond, picnics spent running away from bees, movie marathons on rainy days and sweet lemonade kisses. They could hold on to all the little pieces of warmth as they watched the snow slowly falling, surviving through winter together.

Every sign of spring sparks a new memory of the sun. With every melting pile of snow and every degree rising towards the sky, she could feel her happiness, her joy wake up again. Feeling the grass under her shoes after so many months of snow, she realised how much she missed summer.

She had found her favourite season in him.

15.3.2019

What ifs


What if I'm not what you see?
What if I'm too irrational
silly, depressed
much and little?
What if I can't be enough?

And you fall
and break yourself
in the pieces
I've left behind

What if I am always the reason
you are unhappy
missing something

Because you thought you
found it all in us
but I can't play my part

25.2.2019

Kestäthän?


Tahdon olla oikea
sopiva
tarpeeksi

juuri se
mistä näet unta

Haluan olla olemassa
antaa
auttaa
ja uskoa meihin

Ollakseni oikeassa
minun on kai vain
antauduttava
ja luottaa siihen

että sinä kestät

29.1.2019

Numb


I'm numb
falling through meaningless days
trying
pretending to feel

I tell I know what love feels like
I smile when I'm supposed to
I fake sadness when the rain catches us

Inside all this play
I put on every day
I stare at the sky
blankly

waiting for the moon

21.1.2019

Panic room


I am my own panic room
locked inside
these four walls
safe and sound
or stuck in memories

Perfectly horrible mix
of both

14.1.2019

Motionless


I long to be the rain
that falls through grey skies

I reflect myself
in the clouds
read star signs
like it is the truth
of my existence

But I fall
nonetheless

I fall
and it is the only thing
that keeps me in motion

5.1.2019

Vaihtokauppa


Sinä poimit muruseni
ripottelit ne takaisin
oikeille paikoilleen

Annoit ja otit
vaihtokauppaa parhaimmillaan

Minusta, yhdestä ja niin monesta
kokosit taas ihmisen
joka hengittää

Hymyilen, sillä tiedät
kuinka tehdä kauppaa

26.12.2018

Snowy days


The air sits still
and the sun sets
snow falling
like I fall for you

The light of our hearts
will fight this
dark December
bleak days

for we will continue
on our way
even when the slowly dancing snow
tries to surround us

There is beauty
in these frosty days
and warm fingers
intertwining